Now, Where Was I?

ImsosorryImsosorryImsosorryImsosorry!!!!!  Life simply got away from me and I haven’t had a single time I could sit down and finish God’s story!!  And I assure you – it IS HIS story!

So, where was I?  Oh yes, Friday morning – Jeff and I meeting for morning prayer – all snuggled together on the love seat.  (Which is a vision in and of itself.  My long legged husband, with his knees up around his nose!)  As we were praying, the phone rang – it was Jeff’s prayer partner.  He wondered if they could meet a bit early – he just wanted to pray a bit longer for Jeff that day.  (He had NO idea what had happened the day before!!)

Jeff left and it was just Father and I.  I tried to pray – but it was just so heavy to carry alone.  I want to try and clarify here – I wasn’t afraid of losing the van.  I wasn’t afraid of losing the house.  I WAS afraid of dishonoring the Lord.  I WAS afraid of any repercussions that this could have on our kiddos.  That was the only fear I was struggling with.

(I believe this was the fruit of all those months of arguing with God and having Him change our understanding of money.  My SOURCE of financial provision had not changed.  He was the same the day before, that day and would be the same forever after that.  It didn’t matter whether we had work pouring in or not – He was and is and will be the fullness of our Source!)

As I prayed, I cried out asking for forgiveness for dishonoring the Lord’s name.  Father   challenged me that He didn’t need me to do PR for Him.  My job was obedience.  It is my flesh that wants to look good, in the name of making God look good.  He’s not concerned with how other people “see” Him.  He just wants my complete obedience – He wants my heart to be wholly His – and in this case, He wanted me to be at peace, regardless of what was going on around me.

While I continued in my prayer closet, I kept feeling like I needed to check on my sister in law.  She had just been dealing with my other sister in law, working with her lawyer to sell property after the death of her husband.  That can trend to be very stressful.  (I’m not so sure it isn’t more stressful than dealing with a repo’ed van and foreclosure.)   

She picked up and before she even said hello, she said, “What is going on with you guys?!!  I spent all day yesterday with the lawyer, but YOU GUYS were on my heart and mind all day long.”  So, I told her.

She began to cry – she said, “Dawn, don’t you understand?  Dad and Mom went through this.  When they lost their business, they lost everything.  Don’t you remember?”  (Side note: YES! I remember – it added to my telling God I didn’t want to be an entrepreneur!!!) “If you guys go through this and don’t even give her the option of helping you, you will break her heart.  FURTHERMORE, her investor cashed out one of her investments a few weeks ago.  We didn’t understand why – when we called and asked him, he said, ‘Because I think there is a better investment coming up that she is going to want to participate in.’  DAWN – I think you and Jeff are the better investment!  And Mom will too.”  By this time, we were both crying – and she asked me to please consider it – to call Jeff and have him call her.

We hung up and I called Jeff – he and Gary were in the thick of praying and crying together, too.  (It was in the air, apparently)       I do need to pause here and say that Gary is one of the men we have in our lives that we have asked to speak freely into our lives.  We have specifically asked these men to stand with us, in prayer, willing to seek Father on our behalf and come to us should they sense in ANY way that we are walking into dangerous territory.  Even in light of all this, Gary still was telling Jeff that he felt that we were to press on – that there is great fruit to be gained for all this.

So, Jeff called his sister – and within just a little more than an hour, she and Mom were at our house, hugging and crying with us.  The funky thing about all this is – no one knew for sure why we were crying.  We just were.  Jeff went to the bank, check in hand, and made sufficient payment to stop the foreclosure.  (Amusingly ? they managed to find another $600 in fees that needed to be paid, on Monday, but that’s okay – that was a problem for another day.)  

We also called that same day, to make arrangements to get our van back. (Even if it meant we couldn’t get it until Monday)   It was amazing to us that what seemed so…bleak, I guess, the day before, was coming to a quick resolution the next day.   That alone belongs to the realm of God!  Furthermore, we had gained such favor from the man who came to collect our van, that he brought it more than 1/2 way back!  What would normally have resulted in a trip of more than hour, only required 25 min on the road.  THAT is favor!  (Again, only from God!)

The thing we walked away with, from this “adventure” is that our Lord is more than faithful.  He is more than able.  He is attentive.   He is an ever present help in the time of trouble.

I must tell you, I really struggled deeply with sharing all this.  I struggled some (not too much) with how it would make us look to others.  (?? Like we looked like some wonder people BEFORE?  LOL  NOT)  I struggled with how it would make God look.  (Which He resolutely dealt with)  Most of all, I struggled with how it would make other people feel.  I have no doubt that there are those that have been in that place and the Lord didn’t rescue them.  What about them, Lord?  How do my words offer THEM comfort?  How do my words bring them a sense of Your goodness?

Guess what He told me?  “Your job is obedience.”  So, I’m sharing.  If this story discourages you or causes you to doubt the goodness of Father, PLEASE email me.  Let’s talk about it – let me pray with you about it. I don’t have any answers.  I just know the One who DOES.  (javamama then the number 7, at gmail dot com)

Now, here’s a final tidbit in this story – Thursday night, the bank called and told us that if we made this huge payment on Friday, it would save us thousands of dollars when we settled the foreclosure mess.  I hung up and laughed.  Friday morning, the Lord told nagged required me to share that with some precious friends who carry prayer burdens with/for me.

I did – with ZERO (Z.E.R.O.) faith that my sharing would make any difference. I shared it first thing in the morning. (Before any of this happened!)  I don’t know if it made a difference or not, but those friends – who were likely as unbelieving as I – had the shared privilege of seeing God move in a HUGE way in our lives.  I continue to pray that it would encourage them!!

I remain – a servant of the Most High – who finds one day in His court, better than a thousand elsewhere!     ~Dawn

Javadawn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Last Thursday, I was sitting in the living room having my quiet time when a there was a knock at the door.  Who would be at our house that early in the day??  Jeff answered to door to find a tall gentleman there who politely informed us that the one thing that wasn’t late – our van – was to be repo’ed.  We were flabbergasted to put it mildly.

Jeff immediately called the loan company to talk to them and find out what was going on.  In the meantime, I threw a hissy fit in the laundry room – my favorite prayer room – telling the Lord how much I didn’t want to buy this van on credit anyway and asking why He directed us that way 2 years ago… (LONG story – but suffice it to say that THAT really is how it seems – and not just to us.  We had gone 10 years with no vehicle payments and then, we bought this…. and it was quite odd the way it played out.) All the while the gentleman waited patiently and kindly for it to be resolved for us.

The loan company indeed indicated that they had received our payment and indeed the van didn’t qualify for repossession. But, because the process had been started, there was nothing we or they could do about it. No matter what – our nice little van pulled away on the back of that big truck – with us standing there shaking our heads – somewhere between amazement and amusement.

We went back into the house, only to have the loan company call back and ask us numerous questions – some of which seemed silly – for over 45 minutes.  The whole time I was talking to Father, asking for answers, desiring to understand why all this was playing out.  As soon as Jeff hung up, there was another knock at the door.  By this time, fear kicked in and I went and hid.

Jeff sought me out – and there in my laundry room stood a local sheriff.  He was there to deliver the papers for the foreclosure process that was in place. I was stunned, I was overwhelmed, I was angry, I have never felt so discouraged and trapped in my whole life.  Everything around us was being taken – and it seemed that we had been walking in obedience to Father.  (As if that means trials won’t come our way?!! HELLO?)  My 2nd youngest was seriously concerned that they’d be coming to take our dog next.      Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make straight your way before me.

Over the next few hours we saw the hand of the Lord move in ways that absolutely took our breath away.  People who don’t even know us offered us money – vehicles to use – we even found favor in the sight of the man who towed our van away.  (He offered to bring it back to our area once we got this resolved – which is huge, since it was going quite a ways away.)   Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make straight your way before me.

By the time the sun set, the loan company had agreed that there probably was an error on their part, but also ours, because we didn’t call them to tell them that we had made a payment.  (?? Okay, I guess….)  There was a temporary “gift” vehicle in our drive way.  We had received hugs, support and chocolate!  (True LOVE, indeed!)    You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

On every side, discouragement and this horrid sense of total failure and hopelessness were mine.  I couldn’t see the good of any of this and I couldn’t see how the Lord could be exalted and I didn’t see how we could ever get out of this mire!  There didn’t seem to be ANY way out of this – surely the Lord would not allow us to meet utter and complete destruction…. I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

As we got ready for bed, we had quite a time of prayer, as the children of the Most High – who were resting in His palm, knowing He was our only hope – our only Source.   Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me! We went to sleep, knowing that He was indeed FOR us and not against us.

Friday morning dawned – we awoke once again to nothing but this horrid sense of despair and entrapment champing at our heels, trying to chew us up and spit us out! You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you.

Jeff and I woke early and huddled in the living room, under a small blanket (funny how this much pain causes one to be cold, isn’t it?) praying for quite a while time.  We prayed and we praised and we declared once again our love for the Lord, our belief that He would not destroy us and we held on to one another – and those that had loved us so deeply through that horrid Thursday. Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

******To Be Continued*******

Please know I don’t share any part of this story to say anything about us – good, bad or otherwise.  If  that is the impression I’m giving you, please forgive me, for that is not my intent.  My desire is to exalt the Lord and bring Him all the praise due His Name.