No Fear!

Good morning – if you’ve arrived, disappointed to see there isn’t a discussion of “No Ordinary Home” going on here – NO WORRIES!!  They are on – but at andwe_areoff’s place.  She’s our hostess this week (Thank you and!!) and I look forward to our discussion. So, hop on over….

Now, on the other hand, if you’re having trouble sleeping, so you came here to read my blatherings – I have just the thing – a discussion about fear.  Fair warning – this may be WAY TMI, as my friend sixkidlets would say. (TMI = too much information, for any one besides me, that didn’t get it the first time)

I have struggled with fear all my life.  ALL my life.  My earliest memories are those of fear.  I can clearly remember nightmares I had as an infant and young child.  I had Little Red Riding curtains hanging in my bedroom – my mother says I was still in a crib at that point.  I remember seeing the Big Bad Wolf walk past my window and then come back and stop and look in. I can visualize his breath making “fog” on my windows, even.

He became the fodder of many a night mare as I was a child – including the first night in our new house.  We moved from IL to IN – the first night sleeping there – I remember “dreaming” (it seemed/seems too real to be just a dream….) that someone was coming up the stairs…I knew it was the Big Bad Wolf, because you see, he had a cane, which was thumping on the stairs as he came.  He pushed my bedroom door open with his cane, his pocket watch reflecting the moon outside, and I can still hear his gravelly voice, “You didn’t think you could get away from ME, did you?”  I was 10 at the time and I still remember the feelings and can still picture him in my mind.

Much of my life, I was convinced that I was just a victim to fear.  When fear would strike, I would cower.  Another dream I had much of my life is a large black panther jumping at me, teeth barred, his intent clear – dinner (or more likely dessert – as at the time this dream was most prevalent, I was a tiny little thang)  In this dream, I’m paralyzed by fear.  I simply can not move.  I can’t speak – although I’ve woken myself up praying out loud – in the dream, I can’t speak.  I am completely torpid. (physically – I assure you emotionally I was not) This became a “picture” for me of how I responded to fear in real life.

Please understand, many things that most people would fear, I did not.  I wasn’t too afraid to pull a gun on a police officer (long story – I won’t bore you with it – suffice it to say I wasn’t on the wrong side of the law), being at the scene of an accident didn’t frighten me.  Blood didn’t bother me at all.  I handled all kinds of medical emergencies without fear.  It was life that seemed to scare me so much.

About 10 or so years ago, the Lord began a work on many aspects of fear in my life.  It started with a friend praying for me and saying, “Dawn, I just really want to encourage you that the Lord has some scary things coming into your life and you will have to go through it ALL ALONE.  BUT He will be with you through it all.”  I was convinced it meant He was going to take my husband and children. (I had no logical basis for such a thing) I became paralyzed.  I couldn’t plan even a week in advance, for fear that I’d be dealing with the death of my whole family.  But the Lord met me and we walked through it and I felt I could trust Him in a new way because of it.

Then this friend prayed again (ever have friends you almost wish they’d stop praying for you?? LOL) and again, she came with another scary word:  “The Lord is going to do a hard work in your marriage.  Hold fast to Him.”  He showed Himself incredibly faithful, although at times it was the hardest thing I ever went through.  This side of that trial, I wouldn’t trade it – that side….. WHEW, it was a tough one.

Guess what?  That friend started praying again – and THIS time she shared with me the picture she had been seeing in her mind every time the Lord called her to pray this way for me: it was me – on a tension bridge – hanging between two mountains – with a chasm beneath me.  (Had she told me that in the beginning, I’d have climbed into bed and stayed there.  God was so gracious to keep that picture from me.)  Each time she was called to pray for me regarding fear, I was further and further along the bridge – closer to getting off it.  

Time and again, the Lord has taken me, step by step, across this bridge.  Just a few years ago, He began to open my eyes and show me that I was NOT a victim to fear.  I was a sinner, who was embracing the sin of fear.  Suddenly, I wasn’t helpless – suddenly fear wasn’t being acted out upon me, I could fight back. For the first time in my life, allowing fear to reign in my heart was a sin.  I can’t tell you how freeing that was.  Now, the Word of the Lord could be applied to this enemy in my life in a whole new way. 

So, you ask, why am I telling you all this? Well, for one, I felt that someone reading would be served by my transparency.  But, secondly, the reason is more selfish than that.  I need help in battling fear again, in my life.  The Lord is calling us to a new adventure.  (It’s not a BAD adventure – at all!!  Soon, I will share what I can with you – it’s really a wild and hairy ride, like nothing we’ve ever done before and I still need to process much of it.)

This adventure requires me to knowingly, stand on the tension bridge, swaying between two mountains, fully aware that I have the choice of turning and going back to “Egypt” or walking in faith to “The Promised Land.”  I WANT THE PROMISED LAND!  The taste of sand in my teeth does not appeal, any longer.  I want to embrace all that the Lord has for us, but I am feeling afraid.  I am asking, Dear Sisters, that should the Lord lay me on your heart, that you would lift me up to fight the good fight against fear and to reach for Father the way that my baby reaches her hands up for me.  That sweet look of trust on her face, that I will indeed pick her up – that grin of delight that I’m there for her – and even that slight hint of fear, too, that I might have forgotten she was waiting for me.  THAT is how I long to respond to this. 

In addition to prayer, I would COVET the accountability of someone asking me, whenever the Lord would lay it on your heart, how I’m doing in refusing to allow sin to overtake me, in the area of fear. OH HOW I’D THANK YOU!! 

(Please know, if Father does not lay this on your heart – to ask or to pray – then know, it is not for you to carry, AT ALL – and feel no responsibility toward it, ok??)

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Comments
5 Responses to “No Fear!”
  1. javadawn says:

    Dawn – First of all let me say I’d count it an honor to pray for you and, whenever God leads me to I’ll be sure to ask you how it’s going.

    Also,

    “So, you ask, why am I telling you all this? Well, for one, I felt that someone reading would be served by my transparency”

    Like you, I’ve been crying out in fear of life. In fear of what He’s asking me to do. Because some of it is going to be impossible for me – I just can’t. And I know it and I know He knows it. But isn’t that just the time we can see His hand the best, when we know it’s not our own doing? Thank you for calling it what it is – sin. I know He will be with methrough it all. He’ll have to carry me through some of it. It’s time for me to stop giving into the fear and do what He’s calling me to do.

    Posted 8/28/2006 at 11:13 AM by javafriend

  2. javadawn says:

    Hey – javafriend – it’s not confronting me on some other sin, is it? 😉 Dealing with one battle is enough. 😀

    Oh Sweetie, I OH SO understand that fear. I know I’m on the edge of that now – and I swing wildly between wanting what He has to offer more than anything and being scared to bits to take the step off the edge. I think of Indiana Jones when he steps into the “lion’s mouth.” The way is not visible to him, until he throws the ROCK onto it. That too, is the way of this walk – the way is not visible, without the Rock of our Salvation. Blessed be His Name. I’ll be praying for you too. Fear is a nasty thing…quiet and insidious.

    You are right – I too know that what He is asking is totally for His glory, because I can’t do it in my own strength. I’d really like to think I can, but I’d be lying if I said I could. BUT I also know, that even if it’s all His strength – all His glory – it’s for MY good. Isn’t that mind boggling????? Blows me away.
    Posted 8/28/2006 at 11:32 AM by javadawn

  3. javadawn says:

    After I left this morning I was reading to my daughter and the story was Jesus calling Simon to come catch men. Yikes. Can you imagine his fear? It is no mistake that he was somewhat impetuous because you ask too many other men (or women) to do the same and they’ll probably think you’ve come from the moon. Know what I mean? I don’t mean that we should have no fear of anything and just race after the next guy asking us to drop our occupations for some new journey, but … remember and inquire WHO is asking you to come. That fear of the unknown can keep us from falling into the pit of the devil as he desires to trap us or it can keep us from walking in the Way gloriously. Discernment, counsel… proper fear of God and not of man or the temporal issues that would seem impossible to overcome. make sense?

    much love 🙂
    Posted 8/28/2006 at 4:32 PM by andwe_areoff

  4. javadawn says:

    Oh and, makes MUCH sense – just not so easy to walk out. : )
    Posted 8/29/2006 at 8:03 AM by javadawn

  5. javadawn says:

    of course not 😉
    Posted 8/29/2006 at 11:04 AM by andwe_areoff

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