Do you love me or do you not….
Due to some recent events in my life, I have been made horribly aware of the fact that I do not communicate my heart neither well nor adequately. I have wounded several people I care for greatly because of the way in which I shared my heart. That pains me.
One would think, that at the point that I’ve reached this age, that I would have some wisdom to know how to communicate in such a way that I am able to speak the Truth in love and do it in such a way that you recognize the Truth I’m speaking AND hear my heart in the sharing. I find that to be a false assumption on my part.
As I have run into these communication…they’re far too large to be considered gaps, but are more like chasms, that the root behind my poor attempts at communication always comes back to pride. Pride in wanting to seem wise. Pride in wanting to seem like I’m not coming apart at the seams. Pride in wanting to be right. Pride in wanting to seem as though I have SOMETHING of value to offer the discussion. Pride, pride, pride.
Sadly, in my foolish attempts to seem cool – or together – or right – or valuable, I simply show you all anew how far from those adjectives I fall. Though I may fool myself for a few minutes, my sin is not hidden from those who are reading me. I know that. The other thing I know, that you, as the reader do not, is that the icebergs of sin that are evident in my life are only the most visible parts of what resides in my heart. You do not have the benefit of seeing how deep the vein of pride runs in my heart. (benefit?!! SEE??? I do not communicate well.) I would do my mining family heritage proud. (Hmmm, see, that vein DOES run deep – it goes back generations.)
So, dear friends, I have this request…. if…nay, WHEN I say something that wounds you, please love me enough to confront me. PLEASE do it. I can think of nothing more loving than one addressing my sin, to help me be more conformed to the image of the One who loves me best and most.