Ashton, come out, come out where ever you are!

I have never seen it, but I understand that Ashton Kucher has a new program called “Punk’d.” I don’t have to see it to get the gist of it – you see, I’m old enough to remember its mentor. We called it “Candid Camera.” πŸ™‚

I have come to suspect that I am living in the middle of a “Punk’d” episode. No, really – hear me out here. The things that are going on near me are NOT NORMAL, people! I’m telling you, Ashton has to be hiding SOMEWHERE in my neighborhood! (There IS Paul’s empty house…. Now, here’s an example of exactly what I’m talking about….we have a house in our neighborhood that is full of junk. J.U.N.K. The owner has 2 other houses, just like this one. His goal is to create the largest auction in the state when he dies. SEE? This is not normal.)

Get this – the other day, while standing INSIDE my house, I was privy to a HUGE argument, complete with slamming doors and obscenities. The fight was intense and I walked to the other side of my house to get as far from it as I could. The issue? While Dad was browing hamburger, Daughter said, “The spaghetti is in the cabinet.” The Dad didn’t want to make spaghetti. There you have it – the cause of an argument that continued for 10+ min and resulted in horribly coarse language – and what should have been humiliating, when they realized they were able to be heard by the entire neighborhood. Not normal.

Saturday night…er Sunday morning, our neighbors ended up on our front porch. I guess they were too drunk to realize that they had walked onto our porch, rather than their own. They made our dog go INSANE. Please understand, this is odd in several ways. The first being they were standing on my BIG round Victorian porch. They, uh, have no porch to speak of. Rawther odd.

The second point of confusion for me is, it’s not like it was too dark to find their house. They have their house lit up with so many Christmas lights, that I suspect they’re suffering from Griswold envy. I keep looking for NASA to show up and charge them with interfering with the national space program, as I’m CERTAIN even the heavenlies are lit up, above my town! Not normal.

Lastly, while they stood on my front porch discussing that they couldn’t find their key, I heard the one say to the other, “When did you get a dog?” Still they didn’t leave. OH SO not normal.

While hanging sheets out last week, I looked into the back yard of my neighbor and saw that he had put a target up – and he was standing there throwing knives at it….without his shirt. In December. In Indiana. (Does this sound normal to YOU? Does hanging sheets out in that weather sound normal?!! )

In order to remove an old, original to the house, cast iron type bathtub, our neighbor threw his out of one of the upper windows of his house. (Somewhat abnormal.) Without remembering to open the window first. (Rawther abnormal) Landing it on and crushing his children’s swing set. (Ok, down right abnormal.)

In attempting to verify that the shock collar they purchased for their dog worked, another neighbor put the collar on his own neck. “You better turn it up, I’ve got a thicker neck than the dog.” Really – those were his words. He even admits to it. Granted, it took him a few minutes to pick his thick neck up off the ground and to get his head to stop buzzing enough to be able to explain what he was doing lying there with the dog’s collar about his neck. (Normal? N.O.)

Then of course, we have MY son, who thinks jumping off the roof of the garage onto the trampoline is big fun. N.O.T. N.O.R.M.A.L.

Now, surely, these are not the things that real life is made of, I’ve GOT to find that Ashton, I’m sure he’s here somewhere. I MUST be getting Punk’d.

(Even as I joke about this, I am pretty confident my neighborhood is not nearly as different as I’d like to think. I’m guessing there are many families who are living in stranger settings. The challenge to me, as I have watched them over the last several weeks, is to see how much they are oblivious of their need for the Lord. It has spurred me on to wanting to make certain that we are making choices to be a light here in our little part of the world. Christmas season is the perfect time to do this.

This is one of the few/rare times during the year that the unsaved world will allow the mention of Jesus into their days. As a sweet, precious baby, lying in the manger, He seems much less “dangerous” to them, I would guess. Please, won’t you join me and my family, as we pray about how to offer a real Gospel to real people in an unreal world, that they might have a real experience with a real God? Use us, O’ Lord, use us.)

8 Responses to “Ashton, come out, come out where ever you are!”
  1. Jen says:

    thanks so much for the laugh and the challenge.

  2. Patricia says:

    I am thrilled to read your last two paragraphs. The Lord has really, REALLY been confronting me lately about having compassion for the people that drive us crazy because most of them are so very needy. I’ve mentioned our neighbors before – and this year I am most challenged to love them as Christ has commanded. Over and over, He prompts me to pray for them…which in turn changes MY heart so that I will extend the love and grace to them that He has told me to do.

    BTW – when one of my boys was 7-ish, he climbed up on the roof to pee so he could see if it would blow away in the wind. N.O.T. N.O.R.M.A.L. =) Thank goodness we live in the middle of 5 acres!

  3. whimsy says:

    Have you ever seen Country Fried Home Videos? I think they give money away for videos of stuff like that. Got a camcorder handy?

  4. javadawn says:

    πŸ™‚ That would have meant, for Sunday am, anyway, that I was heading out in my jammies. NOT a pretty sight. πŸ˜†

    Patricia – sounds like something my son would have done, if he had had a roof then that would have allowed for such a thing. I remember being on the phone with a friend one time and she said, “How odd – it’s raining here, with the sun out full….in fact, it’s only raining on ONE side of my house… (insert scream here!) Gotta go!!!”
    You see, her 3 yr old had taken the screen off his bedroom window and was out peeing off the roof. πŸ˜‰ Boys! πŸ˜€

  5. Deborah says:

    Yes, Dawn…but your mailman knows YOUR NAME!! And you have adorable 4th of July celebrations. You can’t have it all πŸ˜‰

  6. Patricia says:

    LOL!!!! I had just settled down to nurse the baby when we heard footsteps on the roof. This child had an internal radar system that KNEW when I was somewhat temporarily disabled. One time we were visiting friends and at the very second I began nursing, my friend came in the door to say, “I don’t want to tell you how high he (the boy with radar) has climbed (she had a huge…HUGE oak tree in her front yard)…but we are working on getting him down!”

  7. winkies6 says:

    Is this the same woman who wrote a wonderful composition about living in a small town……..??


    It wouldn’t be so funny if it wasn’t real, ya know…

    I love the reminder!

  8. myderbe says:

    Hilarious! πŸ™‚ (and a good reminder)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: