And the two shall become as one

The opinion shown here does not necessarily reflect the heart of Management. (The BIG Management) πŸ™‚ It is only the voice and heart of a peon. Any offense is not, most sincerely NOT, intended. (Read at your own risk.)

I read Molly’s blog the other day, followed by Holly’s….. this post is the result of the thoughts I have been chewing on for the past few days…

When I married Jeff, I was a different woman. I had a sharp tongue that could slice and dice faster than any Ronco product ever created. I could wear my man down to nothing, going from 0 to 60 in less than 2 minutes. We married in December and I spent the following August not speaking to him…at all. (A.T. A.L.L.) I fought the entire process of becoming one with this man of mine, with all that was within me. Then one day, I gave up.

That day, I was planning on leaving him. The Lord, however, had a different plan. He met me on the floor of my living room, with the rain pouring outside and the cars slushing past. He met me there and He changed me. He took the impatient and wounded heart of a young wife and He replaced it with a tender heart that longed to please her Lord.

Until that night, when the Lord met me on the floor of our apartment, I had gloried in my great sacrifice that I had made in marrying Jeff. I had laid down a very viable medical career. Oh, how prideful I was in my “sacrifice.” I knew that the Lord had asked this of me, and yet, I still carried my grand effort as though it was my own doing.

Today, nearly 20 yrs later, I have a very different answer to the question, “Who am I? What was I made for?” than I did then. I have a different answer and I have a different heart attitude in regard to the question, itself.

When I consider “Who am I? What was I made for?” that question, to me, is all about who I am in Christ Jesus. It is not about the passions, giftings and wonderful things that Father has placed in each one of us to make us unique. I am a child of God. I was created for His pleasure, to bring Him glory and to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. That’s an easy question.

If however, the question runs into “What am I called to do, here in the Kingdom of God?” then the answer gains a bit of a different tint. The hue THAT question has is a blend of color – like oil in a puddle, after the rain. The colors swirl and melt together….. you see, for me, no longer is it a matter of what am I called to do…it’s what are WE called to do? The colors that are me are being swirled among the colors that are Jeff.

You see, when the Lord met me on the floor that night, He began to teach me what it meant, in our marriage, to understand that the two became one flesh. As He spoke to me over the next few months (YEARS!) He taught me again and again what it meant to be Jeff’s wife. I was his helpmeet. I was his fellow sojourner. I have his back and he has mine. (Ecclesiastes 4:9 – 12.) We are a team.

Because of this, the dreams that I had, have been laid aside and the dreams we have now are the dreams we dream together. They are goals that we have, as we lay side by side and ponder on the gifts that the Lord has placed in each of us. This does not negate the individuality that the Lord has put in each of us – the individual sin that is personally placed there by God Himself, for the purpose of sanctifying us. πŸ˜‰ I am still different from Jeff and he from me. But, because we are one, so too have our dreams been stirred together to become OUR dream….no longer is it yours and mine, but rather OURS.

Do I presume that this is the call that Father has on every marriage? (Deep sigh…) I would wish it for each of you, because it is a precious and sweet place to be. But, to assume that would be further arrogance on my part, I fear. Likewise, though, I feel I would be remiss to not ask you to pause….are you seeking after things that were to be laid aside when the two of you were cloven unto the other?

What I am talking about here is not a lording of one partner over the other. I am not talking about patriarchal or feminist anything. I’m talking about death. Death knows no gender.Β  (Jeff’s dreams died as much as my own.) I’m talking about allowing one thing to die, in order that the Lord Himself might raise up something new…something filled with life….something that will accomplish more than we could on our own. Remember, this IS the upside down Kingdom…..

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

(Amusing side note – Jeff does not know what I’m writing about and he’s sitting here beside me singing, “Stand by Me”) πŸ˜†

I want to emphasize, I do not judge anyone regarding the goals that they have in their family. I only feel the aching need to share what Father has taught us, with the hope that there is someone – just one – who would read this and find a resounding happening within their heart, that they too are called to lay down a dream….and die, only to be raised up again and find life, life abundantly.

11 Responses to “And the two shall become as one”
  1. Holly says:

    Ah yeah. You said many things that are on my heart, too.

  2. molleth says:

    We too, are growing into a “we,” and I am SO loving it. At first, it was a “me,” and that guy I married…a year later, we moved into patriarchy, and it was a “him,” and I following him. And now, I hope I hope I hope, we are learning a whole new dance step (which means a lot of stepping on toes at first, and it did). A “we.” It is wonderfully wonderful, and we’ve only just started. πŸ™‚ Thanks for the beautiful thoughts.

  3. valerie says:

    Greater love has no man than he lays down his life for a friend…. and marriage is the ultimate friendship. I truly believe that if we are seeking to 100% fulfil each others dreams and not our own, that we will each be 100% happy. The whole christian walk is about personal death, and finding our lives when we lose them, isn’t it?

    This really resonated with me, Dawn. Thank you for you beautiful wisdom.


  4. javadawn says:

    Oh Ladies, thank you! I was concerned my thoughts were not adequately expressed.
    Becoming ONE WE is SO achingly hard…okay, so it was achingly hard for me. I look back and see how much I fought against something that was SO good and SO wonderful. πŸ™„ What a dope!! (AND part of it, I will confess is my complete unwillingness to trust Jeff…dare I say GOD?…with any of my dreams, hopes and even my heart.)

    Molly, dance on, my dear friend, dance on! It only gets better! I didn’t think that it could, but in the last few years, it’s become even richer and richer and richer. It’s A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. to me!!

    Val – “The whole Christian walk is about personal death and finding our lives when we lose them, isn’t it?” WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS 25?!!! πŸ˜‰ No one was teaching that on any front. It has been a hard and ardous trek to walk in that path, because no one was there to hold out their hand and say, “It looks scary, yes it hurts, but the pain is SO minimal compared to the joy!” You are a very wise young lady!! Mr A is very richly blessed to have you as his fellow sojourner.

  5. Holly says:

    It DOES get richer and richer and better and better! Who could’ve thunk it!

    I had no one telling me this, either, Dawn. They all said to seek “self,” that this was the only way I would be fulfilled.

  6. myderbe says:

    You know, I can remember being so upset . . . so angry about a year and a half or two into my marriage. I can remember sitting in my living room crying and fussing and fuming because I’d believed a lie my whole life. I’d believed that when I grew up, I’d be in charge. I’d be my own boss. My life would be about ME. I believed that I’d do what I wanted and make my own decisions. But then I had this husband . . . and we had agreed that if we disagreed, he’d have the final say. And so often, we disagreed; and his final decision wasn’t what I wanted. Oh, I felt so out of control! I wasn’t in charge; I wasn’t my own boss; my life wasn’t about me!

    And that was God’s beautiful, painful, awe-ful, terror-ful, lovely plan. This dying to self . . . this becoming like Christ, who is the Ultimate Dyer-to-Self.

    And it’s still happening with me — every time I want to take a nap and my children don’t cooperate . . . every time I don’t feel like making dinner, but I do it anyway . . . every time I think about friends who can do simple things that aren’t feasible for a homeschooling momma of six littles: taking children to the pool, going out for morning coffee, walking with a friend in the mall, taking a surprise trip to Disney, dropping the kids off at school/preschool and shopping.

    My life isn’t about ME. It’s not really about my husband or kids either. My life is about Christ and being crucified with Him.

  7. Heidi says:

    Ah…YES!!! Lord, help me to be more and more willing to die.

  8. MamaKayB says:


    God’s timing is always so good. We are doing Beth Moore’s Living Beyond Yourself: A Study on the Fruit of the Spirit in ladies Bible class and this week one of the lessons was on living a “crucified life.” One in which we die to ourselves and our own will, rights, etc… and allow the Spirit to work through us. It is not the easy road and there are not a lot of others on the road with us. But it gives me such encouragement to see so many here who have heard the same message and are trying to live it out.

    Marriage is such a practical place to put this idea into practice. Where else can we get so much practice?

    Thank you for sharing!

  9. ReneeM says:

    This is lovely Dawn… Thanks for the beautiful way you put it.

    I lead worship, which I used to consider “my
    ministry… and I always felt bad for hubby… until he said one day… “I’m glad I can watch the kids for you. You couldn’t do what you do, without me taking charge over the kiddos”

    and inside I got a good swat to my pride, and I was horrified at my arrogance! πŸ™‚

    This was beautiful!!

  10. javadawn says:

    Renee, Ugh. Pride, I find it too many, many, many times hidden away in my thoughts or motivations. Did I mention UGH?!!

    MamaKayB…um, parenting, maybe?! πŸ˜‰ I know I am finding plenty of opportunities to die to self when it comes to parenting…especially the more I do it by grace, rather than by law. (Pride there, too, btw) πŸ™„

    md – Ahhh, what a gorgeous reminder – it’s all about being crucified with Christ…. (deep soul satisfying sigh….)

    I’m with MKB, it’s a delight to find so many others on the same path, embracing the walk of dying together and being raised up for His glory – for His service – for His pleasure! I am honored to walk with you all.

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