You DID keep up with that,right? Good. 😉 If you did not see, in the previous post, I am feeling the weight of the responsibility I have here, to answer you well and with Godly content and sound Biblical answers. I am not complaining, that’s not it at all, I just want to make certain that when I face Father, I do not cringe when I remember what I shared with you here. In light of that, I need to share with you a bit about who I am and how I see Father.
I went from Corporate America, busy in church and civic things to moving to a tiny burg that looked like Stepford! Our church involvement was taking place 45 minutes from our home. My work was 35 minutes away from home. Jeff’s work was 30 minutes from home. I knew no one and calling anyone but the person across the street was long distance. (Okay, so I could call to both ends of town, but that was all.) I went from being involved to being isolated. It was culture shock.
By nature, I’m a people person. I enjoy being with people (the humor of the degree of fear of man I struggle/d with still escapes me at times) I enjoy getting to know people, I enjoy serving people. I was busy doing all those things when I got pregnant with our oldest. Eight weeks before she was born, I became toxemic and the doctor sent me home to have bed-rest. I went cold turkey from people, people, people and more people to no one. Jeff was working extra long hours at that time, we had no television, we just cut our income in half by my going home and I was lonely. ACHINGLY lonely.
Since I was confined to bedrest, about all I could do was read…and pray. And pray I did. I spent more time talking to God than anything I had ever done. He was my constant companion. I went through prayer journals like they were candy!
After Shadow (the blogger previously known as BondServant) 😉 was born, I continued in the pattern Ihad begun. By the time the Testosterasaurus was born, it was not uncommon for me to spend 4 -6 hrs a day in my prayer and Bible time. Although Jeff and I had a good marriage, he was busy at work AND because of sin patterns in his life, he was withholding parts of himself from me, so I was still very much alone. SO, it was God and me.
Because of this, there is NOTHING that I will not ask God for. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I take Him at His word – “In all things, by prayer, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God” – so everything goes to Him: If I’m mad and don’t want to forgive? Ask Him to make me willing to forgive. If I’m really mad and don’t even want to ask to be willing to forgive? Ask for Him to make me willing to be willing to let Him make me willing to forgive. (Keep up with all that?) If I’m scared? I tell Him what is scaring me – same with sick, confused or anything else. I ask for stupid things, I ask for grand things, I ask for piddly things, I ask for ALL things.
When I do that, first of all, my mind is more attentive to Him than to me and my whatever my deal may be. Secondly, I have come to the place that I figure if I don’t ask, I’m only “cheating” myself. I certainly don’t ask expecting to get everything I ask for – nor do I expect to be turned down on everything I ask, either – I know God is still my Father and He will determine what is best for me. But, I don’t ever want to find out that the restoration of someone’s relationship was hanging on the thread of “You have not because you ask not.”** Furthermore, by asking, I’m putting myself in a position of being further awed by the INCREDIBLENESS of my Lord.
One of the things I give God thanks for on a regular basis is that He has not called me to serve a wimpy God. I have gotten myself into some pretty hefty scrapes before and with a wimpy God, I would have no one who could hold me up and set me free. That is NOT the case with our Lord and Savior. He is indeed a GREAT AND MIGHTY GOD. I believe part of the reason I see Him that way is because I put myself in places to see Him exalt Himself. (And that happens by my asking.)
SO, all this to say, when I answer your question, THIS is where my answer is going to stem from. It will stem from my relationship with Father and my absolute “pathetic-ness” in prayer. I do not expect everyone to feel comfortable with this method of seeking the Lord. I have had people tell me to my face, “Grow up.” That’s fine! I understand that this is not how they choose to see/experience God. (Besides, I know that I can ask God to help me forgive them.) 😉 Please keep this in mind when you read what I have to share.
**Even after all these years of extended times of prayer, I still do not understand it. I only know that there are times that God allows me to participate in the work that He is doing and it is imperative that I pray when called. Likewise, there are times that the Lord does what He was going to do, with or without me. He’s GOD for crying out loud, what else should we expect?!!! 😀