Honor Changes People

Honor defined: Treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected and having a good attitude.  Using this definition, how is your family doing with honor?  How are you doing with honor – to you kiddos?  to your hubby? 

I think for the most part, we as Moms have a pretty good handle on the “doing more than what’s expected” part.  That’s just part of Mom-hood.  🙂   But, I don’t always find that I keep up the others quite as well.

One of the issues discussed in the comments last week was the difference between honor and respect.  Did you find that this chapter helped clarify the difference in your minds?

What about those of you with Littles, did you find that this chapter helped you see how you would work honor into training your Littles?

What were your thoughts?  What part of this chapter ministered to you?  What are you going to change because of what you read?

21 Responses to “Honor Changes People”
  1. This issue of honoring one another is something we really struggle with. In my family growing up, there was a good bit of honor but also a lack of discipline and obedience. In other words we were spoiled but we loved each other:) In dh’s family it was almost exactly the opposite. As a child he had a very stern father who loved them, but didn’t honor them at all (when they talk about some of the things he said to them it makes me cringe) and when his father died there was no honor and no longer any respect either. In our family we’ve worked really hard to give the kids a lot of love while also teaching them to be obedient – but the honor is…well, hit or miss. And I really notice that Levi is very much obeying “on the outside.” I’m spending some time today thinking and praying about exactly what I need to work on changing – do we need to go back and work more on obeying and being consistent? do I need to focus on smiling and speaking kindly? maybe more one on one time? more family time? I know I need to focus because my time and energy on what they need the most because my time and energy are in short supply these days:)

  2. It does seem like a tall order to consistently practice honor on a regular basis- especially when it comes to sibling interaction.

    I think the biggest obstacle for me is just the sheer amount of time and energy it takes to guide them in this. You can’t just bark out “stop fighting,” at them and expect them to learn honor. Yet when they have gotten in their 1000th argument of the day it’s very frustrating and exhausting.

    So how do you find the time to work through to the heart issues all the time? Especially when you’ve got babies to take care of, meals to fix, etc.
    I think that’s one of the biggest challenges for us.

    I appreciate what you wrote, Shannon. I’m right there with that last sentence of yours!

  3. Oh yeah, I also wanted to ask- can we really change the heart? Isn’t God the only one who can do that? So is this about *revealing* the underlying heart issues to them and leaving the rest to God? So I guess I have a minor quibble with the name of the whole chapter- “Honor Changes People” as I believe it is God who changes people.

  4. javadawn says:

    Anne, just a really quick response – have just had a diaper climb up on my lap requiring my immediate (!!) attention.
    The first thing I thought of when I read your question was, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” While changing the heart is Father’s business, it is our responses that co-work (??) with the Holy Spirit to make the hearts of our children fertile for the work of God to be done. (I hope I’m somewhat lucid here.) 😀
    I’ll be back later to clarify my thoughts.

  5. April says:

    I think honor is one of those things that I have learned to do for people I like — and I use that word intentionally — as opposed to something that I do because it is my job as created being to do it for my Creator and my fellow created beings. I find it very easy to have a good attitude, go out of my way and treat people as special when we are all happy. When everything isn’t so rosy, well… that’s when I don’t do the above very well. Which reveals that I haven’t been honoring at all, even when I do the honor-actions.
    Wow, I am so grateful for this book.
    Anyway, I do think as a parent of a little who is just now coming into the phase where her will is being asserted loudly in reaction to requests from her parents, that this chapter, or maybe it’s the next couple actually, have been incredibly helpful in how I react towards her. Since I read it last week, I have not felt that white-hot rage that rears its ugly head in me sometimes. I’ve been able to treat even her biggest fits with honor and I’m SOOOOO grateful for that.

    And the idea of honoring my family, and of becoming a Family Who Honors, is such a neat idea to me. For some reason I hadn’t thought of that aspect of parenting before — the “in our family we…” part of it. I love the idea of creating a family identity that is communicated to the kids. Do others of you do that?

  6. I like that verse, JavaDawn. I agree that our responses can model God’s character to them and be used by God to teach them about Himself. Likewise anger and dishonor can get in the way of that. Though in my life God’s used dishonor and mistreatment from Christians to teach me about who He really is. And how that’s not it.

  7. javadawn says:

    April, Yes, we have, in the past, had a Clark family statement. We are needing to re-write it. (Because we’re getting old enough to “outgrow” some of the statements.) We are hopeful to do that soon. 🙂 Even though we don’t have our statement in place anymore, we still remind the children that there are Clark family standards that are in place whether the statement is current or not. (Hence we are able to remind our children “Different families, different standards.”)

    Anne, your words break my heart. I wish I could change that. I wish I could stop Believers from crushing one another – but of course I can’t – and likely too often I am one who is stomping upon and wounding others. 😦 Blessings and abundant grace, my dear Sister. ABUNDANT grace!!

  8. Holly says:

    This chapter was a wonderful reminder. I was pleased to say that we do so many of these things without even realizing that we do them, or conscientiously thinking “why,” but…when you don’t have the plan well defined or even articulated, it is easy for it to slip away.

    I love their definition of honor. I need to print it out, for everyone to see.

  9. Jenna says:

    Heya Dawn, I hope you don’t mind, but I posted my thoughts on Chapters 1 and 2 over on ChoosingHome.com because….well…. I had a lot to say. *laughs* I’m not trying to separate myself from the conversation over here, just trying to not be a blog-hog. Heehee….

  10. javadawn says:

    Jennapiller – Thanks for the heads up!! I’ll trek over to read it…after I clean up the oj that just got spilled all over the dining room. 😀

  11. Jenna says:

    Hey, better OJ than a nasty thown-up cat’s hairball. *groans* He had to do that in my favorite chair…… lol

  12. javadawn says:

    Okay, good point, I’ll take OJ over hair balls….ANY DAY. 😀 (Sorry about your chair, though)

  13. winkies6 says:

    I say that I have to agree with what Jenna had to say about them not explaining how they changed the way the spoke to one another. It was like, magically, they changed the way the spoke to their children and everything was all better. HEY! Wait!! How did they do that?? How can we learn if we aren’t taught? Maybe we would have been using their theory of honor this entire time, if we knew how we should have been interacting. I kept waiting for examples, like, “The mother was talking to the child like ‘this’ in the situation and changed to ‘that’, creating a more honoring situation in their relating.” I’m glad that I was not the only one that felt that way. 😀

  14. javadawn says:

    Hey w6, would it serve you if I were to give you some examples from our home recently? (I assure you, this past week we have had PLENTY of opportunities for honor to be expressed. Where sin abounds, there grace doth abound even more.) 🙄

  15. winkies6 says:

    I think it would. Thanks for askin! 🙂

  16. reneegrace says:

    Bryan (husband) and I are having a great time throwing this word around :). For now we are just inserting it in with being kind, gentle, honoring each other… and identifying it when they do, and we read the definition of it each day when we work on our memory passage.

    I was SO pleased today, that my 3 yr old actually went along with my plan to honor Keenan and surprise him by emptying the dishwasher while he took the dog out to potty… and he was SO excited!!

    SO maybe for littlies, and fun way to start showing honor is to surprise siblings with little things like doing their chores. Its tangible and… exciting! 🙂

    I can see how honor would change people… I think honoring my kiddos changes them! They know, feel, experience, being SPECIAL… in more ways than just getting taking cared of that they might take for granted.

  17. April says:

    Winkie, it’s my impression that the first two chapters are kind of “selling” the concepts to us. I think it gets a whole lot more practical pretty fast.

  18. winkies6 says:

    Thanks April! Upon reading into chapter 3, I’ve found what you were talking about 😀

  19. Lynn in AK says:

    I’m enjoying this conversation even though I’m not reading the book along with y’all. I’m anxiously awaiting that definition of “honor” from Holly, or anyone else.

    Today, my SIL turns 50 and the family (her 12 siblings, 10 children, in-laws, extended family & friends) are honoring her with letters telling her what we appreciate about her. I’ve been looking for a good definition of honor to use.

    I must remember to get this book at the library!

  20. Lynn in AK says:

    Okay, I just found the definition at CH. Thanks, Jenna!

  21. It’s fun reading all your interaction. Honor has greatly changed our family. I just love reading the stories about how God is changing other families using this concept of honor. May God richly bless your families as you grow together in honor.


    Scott Turansky
    co-author of Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids

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