How is everyone doing

processing what you’re reading so far?  Are you seeing areas that you want to change?  Can you see how to make those changes?  Are you getting a vision for what it means to parent by grace?  Do you see how grace and mercy must be intertwined as we parent?

How is the processing going?!!

9 Responses to “How is everyone doing”
  1. winkies6 says:

    I’ve been working on honoring my second born male child the past couple of days. I removed the flower wallpaper out of his room. I think they used buckets of glue to put it up on the textured walls. Read: can’t scrape glue off textured walls… Must use sponges with water. Rinse, scrub, rinse… My mother has decided to honor him by gifting him with paint! God is so good!!

    I have definately been trying to use less yelling and more calm discussion, especially with the five year old who tests me more than I can imagine. 😉

  2. Holly says:

    Dawnie Dawn…

    How about you give us a good definition of grace and mercy?

    Maybe you’ve already done that? But I’d appreciate knowing your thoughts…

  3. Javadawn says:

    Holly Belle,

    No problem –

    Grace grants us unmerited favor. Mercy allows us to receive the correction we need in order to transform us.

    Please note, it’s not correction because what you’re doing annoys me. It’s not correction because what you’re doing makes me look bad – it’s done in order to transform you into the likeness of Christ.

    With those two things in mind, doesn’t it make one wonder how do parents who aren’t Believers train their children? I, for one, knowing how poorly I parent aside from the enabling and equipping power of the Lord, am constantly AMAZED at how they can ever accomplish anything in their parenting skills.

    I want to point this out because when I was first studying parenting by grace, I confused this with the mindset that there was never a need for discipline. Instead, I saw it as a child being allowed to be totally undisciplined in their behavior. That is not how Father parents us, that is not how we should strive to parent our kiddos.

    Does that help?

  4. Dawn – Thanks for the definitions. I have trouble remembering that consistency and mercy/grace aren’t mutually exclusive. Just for example, we have a rule that lying is always strongly disciplined. There was an occasion not to long ago though that Levi lied to me when I asked him whether or not he called another bigger boy a name (the bigger boy was being very mean). I asked him in front of the boy and his mom and Levi lied, but as soon as we were alone he admitted he had lied and was very sorry so we talked about what had happened and I didn’t spank him. Situations like that always throw me because I know I need to be consistent – actions need to have consequences – but right then I really felt like he needed forgiveness more than discipline. Does that make sense? Any tips on how to make that distinction?
    I am loving the book, by the way! It is excellent at painting a picture of what an honor based family can look like. I also have very sore toes – I’m seeing so much that I’ve been lazy about!

  5. javadawn says:

    Shannon, my struggle is knowing – with BIGS, not so much with Littles – that there is a time and a place for attending to behavior choices. With Littles, it’s generally a fast and swift response. That is not always the case with Bigs and my legalistic soul struggles with that. I want it to be JUST and SWIFT! 😕 In the process, the hearts of my children can get damaged.
    As for knowing the distinction of what is needed when? PRAYER, PRAYER and more PRAYER. You see, for me, I wanted this parenting thing to be a formulaic process. I wanted to have an “A + B = C every time” way to address my kiddos. NOT. (sigh I DID mention I have a legalistic heart, didn’t I?!!!) This way of parenting requires a great deal more dependence on Father as I walk through it.
    For the record – I think the way you handled that was right on target. Well done Mum! Well done.

  6. Jenna says:

    I’ve read through chapter three now, and this has really been the “aha!” chapter for me- the wonderful point where vague concepts start getting legs. I am enjoying the concept of the gracious appeal….. though I think we will use some other phrase for DD to express the ‘why’ of her issuing an appeal. I’m also enjoying how they are hand-clasping obedience and honor, and how they work together.

  7. reneegrace says:

    two precious stories…

    This afternoon we were walking down to the car… it was snowy and its been very icy, so Keenan, my 7 yr old, was holding my hand saying “I got you, I got you, Mama!” 🙂 “I said thank you for ‘helping’ me” (picturing my pregnant large self being held up by my tiny 7 yr old should I slip and fall down the stairs!!) When we got to the bottom, he says to me, “mom, was I doing honor?” And when I exclaimed YES! – he had the HUGEST most priceless smile on his face… absolutely precious!!!

    and then… agh – this is long, come on over to my place if you want the other one – don’t want to take up too much space! 🙂

  8. Michelle says:

    That was TOO precious! It made me tear up! Well done, momma. Hold on to those moments.

  9. Holly says:

    Yes, hon – that is good. 🙂 Much obliged, ma’am. 🙂 Words mean different things to different people.

    And yes – I used to think that the word “grace” associated with discipline meant that there wasn’t any discipline. As in – Ah, yeah – you should probably be disciplined, but since I don’t believe in spanking I will issue you grace and not spank you.

    I don’t believe that way now – that’s just what I thought it was. And that was often based upon watching people parent who didn’t finish reading the parenting books. 🙂

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