Mirror, mirror full of lies, every word you speak, I despise. Twisted thoughts and twisted eyes. Your destruction is my prize.

Ladies, we all know how the story ends, don’t we? We know the Captain of the Army returns for His Bride, riding on a white stallion. We know He is returning as Faithful and True. We know the entire ending is focused on the Bridegroom – as it should be.

The part of the story that isn’t known fully is that which falls between the return of the Bridegroom to the King’s side and His return for His Bride. That time, while totally dependent upon the Bridegroom, is about the Bride.

With eyes to see and ears to hear, what fills her eyes and ears, rather than her list of inadequacies, are the needs of her Father’s people. She is now set free to hear and see the cries of the wounded, the lost and the deceived. With eyes that didn’t see only her own insufficiencies, she saw wounds similar to hers in others. She poured herself out for the sake of those her Father loved.

As she did that, her Father created in her a Bride without spot or wrinkle. All the glory went to Him, all the good to her. There was never a doubt, from anyone who saw her what her heritage was. Every bit of her looked like her Father.

“Lord I just want to stop being plain. I just want to be a little bit beautiful. Why can’t You do that work in me? You are God.” His gentle response left me speechless. “Why are you willing to exchange your inheritance for a bowl of pottage?” P.O.T.T.A.G.E.??? What did lentil stew have to do with my desire to just look beautiful – not make men walk into trees beautiful – just not invisible beautiful? I spent the day pondering on Father’s words to my heart. (Which, by the way, I did, just this last week, watch two different men walk into parked cars staring at a young lady. For the first time in my life I could see it, not as an indication of a point of comparison as to how beautiful the young lady was and I was not, but rather how much lust reigned in the heart’s of those men.)

The Lord showed me how my desiring to look any way but the way He had created me was desiring to give away my inheritance for the temporal.  He reminded me that He had created me for a purpose.  A specific and ordained-of-Him purpose, that I , and only I, was created to do.  He then reminded me that He had created me to look EXACTLY LIKE I DO in order to complete that purpose.  My unique blend of features is a gift from the Lord (OK – heads up Ladies, THAT is a REAL indication of the work that Father has done in my heart.  Those words: my features and gift from the Lord would never have graced the same sentence before!!)  given to me for the completion of the work He has for me to do.  For me to dismiss them as anything less is diminishing the omnipotence of my Lord.

So, what does the change look like?  Well, my husband says I have a peace about me he has never seen before.  Always before he could see that I had come to a place of resignation about my looks.  This time he sees a peace and joyful acceptance.  (??ME??  Hey, HE said it, not me.  😆  I’d have just told you I finally felt like I fit in my skin…and we could live together in unity.)

Since Squishburt was born, her very character has taken this huge toll on my workouts.  The Lord was using this time for the purpose of breaking my pride and heart attitude about working out.  There were many times I’d be with thin friends who’d be huffing and puffing to keep up with me.  It was balm to my pride – “I may be fatter, but I’m in better shape.”  I would have denied those thoughts, but they were there.  That part of my arrogance has been taken away.  I’m now GRATEFUL for my opportunities to work out and I work out FOR ME.  Not to impress some one else.  I work out because I’m grateful for the body that the Lord has given to me and I have found it doesn’t work as well if I don’t.  (Big difference from wanting to have high round assets. Not that I’d turn my nose up at them.)    😉

The week before last, the girls were in a play at the library.  Afterwards, a woman came up to me to comment on my daughters’ performances.  In the past, I’d have smiled, thanked her and done my best to hide my “frumpy” self.  Instead, I felt my body stand right up, a smile come to my lips and my hand went out.  “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met.  I’m Dawn.”  Where did THAT come from?  I only do that with people I feel totally comfortable with.  This was a new situation and I *should* have been sick to my stomach.  This is what comes naturally for Jeff. He has been like this his whole life. He has had a life of running “interference” for me.

Why do I think that Father is doing this work in me, at this time?  Um…well, because 45 is a great time to finally grow up and stop being obsessed with myself?  Because He is getting ready to touch me and turn me into this blond bomb shell?  (Hey, I’d be content to just be turned blond again!)   😉   I think it is because where He is taking us.  I believe that the next step for us REQUIRES me to get my eyes off myself and onto other people.  I’m really not CERTAIN of course, but this is what I suspect.

I just know this, I will choose to hold fast to Truth.  I will choose to tell myself (10,000 times a day, if needed) that the tool with which I am measuring my looks is a lie.  It is birthed by the father of lies, to direct the lives of people who live in a world that is temporarily ruled by him as well.  My standard is a holy God who has created all things for His glory.  In Him is the fullness of beauty and little by little I am starting to look like my Father.

~~~He reached down from on high and took hold of me;  He drew me out of deep waters.  He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support.  He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. ~~~      Amen.

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6 Responses to “Mirror, mirror full of lies, every word you speak, I despise. Twisted thoughts and twisted eyes. Your destruction is my prize.”
  1. mamashortcake says:

    no words…just tears….

  2. javadawn says:

    Oh msc, you shouldn’t be here, remember??? Honey, this is intense stuff for pregnant mommies. Go sit down, put your weary feet up and let your hubby rub your shoulders. No tears, Sweetie. 😦

  3. Violet says:

    “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” 2 Cor. 12:9, 10.

    You know, this image thing isn’t only for females. It’s a universal concern over “what others think when they look at me”. Our 17-year old son is about the size of a 7-year old because of Brittle Bone disease. One leg is shorter than the other and he needs crutches, braces, and an obvious shoe lift to walk. Two years ago he had neurosurgery for a rare compression of his brain stem. He survived the surgery but not without complications. And now he must live the rest of his life with a trunk brace that comes under his chin and to the back of his head, at all times. He also needed a trach. after the surgery which will remain a permanent fixture.

    Before the surgery he had major issues with his appearance, not wanting to go out in public any more than necessary. After the surgery….well, you guess. He is not a believer, and so the only way he knew to cope was through anger towards those who were nearest. But God…brought a friend alongside (our associate pastor), who was able to point out some of the things you have shared here, Dawn. When the focus is on what the world considers beautiful, the results are devastating, no matter what the details are. We are seeing changes take place slowly as God works in his heart, softening, tenderizing bit by bit.

    Last fall he wanted to start attending some classes at the local community college. He’s extremely bright and we encouraged him to take online classes – so much easier for him physically. He insisted on going on-campus for at least some classes. One of the first days there on the walk into the building, he told me he hated this, but was making himself do it because he knew this was the only way he would ever be even semi- comfortable in public. He just began his third term last week, and is taking 15 credits, looking forward to a degree in accounting someday.

    The story is far from finished. He still hasn’t bowed his knee to the Lord, but I’m so greatly anticipating the day when he can lean into the Father’s loving arms, looking up into His eyes, and know his “unique blend of features is a gift from the Lord”.
    I am thankful for his “weaknesses” because they are daily reminders to him and to us that we can’t do it in our own strength. He is so bright, and so strong-willed, that I know if he didn’t have such an obvious weakness, he would never see his need for God. I believe God “gifts” us with exactly what He knows will make us run into His outstretched arms.

    Thanks again, Dawn, for writing this. Now go fly in His strength!

  4. mamashortcake says:

    Dawn,

    Tears aren’t always bad you know :). (ROFLOL, when I first typed that I mistyped and wrote “teats”, good thing I edited, huh?)

    I *so* appreciate how you are so concerned for your readers, Dawn. I find that to be a rare thing in blogdom, which is why I don’t read many blogs. Really, it’s okay for me to be here though. They aren’t sad tears, or rather, there is sadness but not in a negative way. He has been dealing with me on this very same issue, so it is really very Providential :).

    I wish I could say I am where you are at, but not yet. In fact, just this morning I said to DH, “Are you *sure* I can’t wear makeup?” He HATES makeup and thinks it is very vain and not accepting/being grateful for how God made a woman to look (hmm, that sounds kind of familiar). I struggle with it still, even though I stopped wearing it 4 years ago out of respect for his preferences. He is never mean about it or anything, I don’t want him to sound like an ogre!! He just really prefers me not to wear it – which I KNEW before I married him…I just thought he was really kidding or at least would change his mind 😀 , haha for me. There are a lot of other issues for me too, but that’s just one little example. I *am* making progress though. In my quest to only use natural things (i.e. only what I would eat) on my body, I have been left with *very* little in the beauty supply department! The Lord has been using that as part of teaching me about this issue – though your discussion of late has opened it up far wider that I dreamed of before! I had been dependent on a lot of expensive and unhealthy things to make myself “beautiful ” and He led me to give those things up for both health and financial reasons, so that left me dealing with my struggle without my “crutches”. I began to see how I was letting the world’s view of beauty cause me to waste time and money to make myself into their image of what was beautiful. Just the same way I am throwing off the world’s idea of health (eating so-called health food, low fat, etc.), I began to think of all my beauty products in the same way. That all seems kind of shallow next to your struggle, BUT at least the Lord was preparing me to hear what He would say through you!

    I, too, was exposed to porn as a child in my home, and though I have always though it a terrible thing and knew it did effect me negatively, I guess I never really thought about the impact it had on my feelings about myself. This has been good to think through. Well, my toddler just tracked mud all through the house, so I better be off. Blessings to you all!

  5. Michelle says:

    Great stuff Dawn, I really want a hard copy of this story for my daughters (just the princess stuff at this point :o) I was never exposed to porn, but I knew my daddy kept it. He insisted it was just for the party jokes–I think the lying affected me more at that time. What really hurt was that as a young girl, he cheated on my mom. I found out (much–years) later that “he wanted to know what it was like to ‘make it’ with a skinny woman”. He also told me that as soon as I had babies I would be big like her. So in addition to my face looking awkward, I knew I was (or was destined to be) fat as well.

    I’m meditating on the truths you’ve brought to light and what they mean in my life.

  6. Oh, Dawn~

    I just got back from out-of-town, to find this thread…

    How beautiful you are to us ~ and most of us have never seen you. Thank you so much for sharing this with us…it IS encouraging, as we are pretty much all walking this path to some degree or another.

    I am walking the same path as Mamashortcake about the makeup thing. It is nothing but my vanity/insecurity that keeps me using it. DH is perfectly happy without it, and I can’t decide if I cringe more putting on the chemicals or seeing myself without it.

    It is all the same root issue though, and I thank you for helping me see it. Bless, you, Darlin’.

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