Mirror, mirror full of lies, every word you speak, I despise. Twisted thoughts and twisted eyes. Your destruction is my prize.
Ladies, we all know how the story ends, don’t we? We know the Captain of the Army returns for His Bride, riding on a white stallion. We know He is returning as Faithful and True. We know the entire ending is focused on the Bridegroom – as it should be.
The part of the story that isn’t known fully is that which falls between the return of the Bridegroom to the King’s side and His return for His Bride. That time, while totally dependent upon the Bridegroom, is about the Bride.
With eyes to see and ears to hear, what fills her eyes and ears, rather than her list of inadequacies, are the needs of her Father’s people. She is now set free to hear and see the cries of the wounded, the lost and the deceived. With eyes that didn’t see only her own insufficiencies, she saw wounds similar to hers in others. She poured herself out for the sake of those her Father loved.
As she did that, her Father created in her a Bride without spot or wrinkle. All the glory went to Him, all the good to her. There was never a doubt, from anyone who saw her what her heritage was. Every bit of her looked like her Father.
“Lord I just want to stop being plain. I just want to be a little bit beautiful. Why can’t You do that work in me? You are God.” His gentle response left me speechless. “Why are you willing to exchange your inheritance for a bowl of pottage?” P.O.T.T.A.G.E.??? What did lentil stew have to do with my desire to just look beautiful – not make men walk into trees beautiful – just not invisible beautiful? I spent the day pondering on Father’s words to my heart. (Which, by the way, I did, just this last week, watch two different men walk into parked cars staring at a young lady. For the first time in my life I could see it, not as an indication of a point of comparison as to how beautiful the young lady was and I was not, but rather how much lust reigned in the heart’s of those men.)
The Lord showed me how my desiring to look any way but the way He had created me was desiring to give away my inheritance for the temporal. He reminded me that He had created me for a purpose. A specific and ordained-of-Him purpose, that I , and only I, was created to do. He then reminded me that He had created me to look EXACTLY LIKE I DO in order to complete that purpose. My unique blend of features is a gift from the Lord (OK – heads up Ladies, THAT is a REAL indication of the work that Father has done in my heart. Those words: my features and gift from the Lord would never have graced the same sentence before!!) given to me for the completion of the work He has for me to do. For me to dismiss them as anything less is diminishing the omnipotence of my Lord.
So, what does the change look like? Well, my husband says I have a peace about me he has never seen before. Always before he could see that I had come to a place of resignation about my looks. This time he sees a peace and joyful acceptance. (??ME?? Hey, HE said it, not me. 😆 I’d have just told you I finally felt like I fit in my skin…and we could live together in unity.)
Since Squishburt was born, her very character has taken this huge toll on my workouts. The Lord was using this time for the purpose of breaking my pride and heart attitude about working out. There were many times I’d be with thin friends who’d be huffing and puffing to keep up with me. It was balm to my pride – “I may be fatter, but I’m in better shape.” I would have denied those thoughts, but they were there. That part of my arrogance has been taken away. I’m now GRATEFUL for my opportunities to work out and I work out FOR ME. Not to impress some one else. I work out because I’m grateful for the body that the Lord has given to me and I have found it doesn’t work as well if I don’t. (Big difference from wanting to have high round assets. Not that I’d turn my nose up at them.) 😉
The week before last, the girls were in a play at the library. Afterwards, a woman came up to me to comment on my daughters’ performances. In the past, I’d have smiled, thanked her and done my best to hide my “frumpy” self. Instead, I felt my body stand right up, a smile come to my lips and my hand went out. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Dawn.” Where did THAT come from? I only do that with people I feel totally comfortable with. This was a new situation and I *should* have been sick to my stomach. This is what comes naturally for Jeff. He has been like this his whole life. He has had a life of running “interference” for me.
Why do I think that Father is doing this work in me, at this time? Um…well, because 45 is a great time to finally grow up and stop being obsessed with myself? Because He is getting ready to touch me and turn me into this blond bomb shell? (Hey, I’d be content to just be turned blond again!) 😉 I think it is because where He is taking us. I believe that the next step for us REQUIRES me to get my eyes off myself and onto other people. I’m really not CERTAIN of course, but this is what I suspect.
I just know this, I will choose to hold fast to Truth. I will choose to tell myself (10,000 times a day, if needed) that the tool with which I am measuring my looks is a lie. It is birthed by the father of lies, to direct the lives of people who live in a world that is temporarily ruled by him as well. My standard is a holy God who has created all things for His glory. In Him is the fullness of beauty and little by little I am starting to look like my Father.
~~~He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. ~~~ Amen.