Honor Based Parenting (Chap 6)

Okay Julie – did you get caught up?  😉  Chapter Six. Man, is this killer or what? Did anyone but me feel certain that they ought to send their children to live with the Turansky or Miller family until they were 16 or so? 😉

The skills required for honor based parenting. Oh, easy peasy, no problem. I can do these in my sleep.  🙄  Let’s go over them, one at a time, shall we?

Skill #1 Be firm without being harsh. Talk less and show less emotion. Um hmm, doing that, for sure.

Skill #2 Express sorrow instead of anger. Balancing our love for our children with our sorrow for their poor choices. E.A.S.Y.

Skill #3 Use problem solving and decision making. Lectures can hinder the process of discovery. Who uses lectures??!

Skill #4 Enjoy children according to their needs and interests. Getting to know our children is foundational for honoring them. Duh? Like we don’t all know our children inside and out?

Skill #5 Envision a positive future for your children. “I sure hope you can manage to stay out of jail?” counts, right? 😉

Cool, well, looks like I’m just breezing through this honor based parenting thing. 😉

Of course I’m jesting. I find these skills to be very challenging. I want to make a declaration here and now – I LOVE teen-agers. I just love them. But, there is little else that can show my own sin faster than one of my teens stretching their wings to challenge me about something that I have declared L.A.W. This week we’ve been experiencing just that.

All week long, I’ve needed to employ EVERY SINGLE one of these skills. All week long I’ve tottered somewhere between success and abysmal failure. But, the most amazing, most wonderful Truth is hidden in the midst of that….GRACE.

Even as we try – and fail – or succeed – we can know that Father’s grace sustains both our children and ourselves. This new way of parenting is something we should attain to. But, on the other hand, the work of changing us is the Lord’s to do. Don’t get caught up in ALL that you need to change. Seek the face of Father and ask Him to show you what needs your attention first. He’ll make it evident. (You may not like what you see or how He does it, but you’ll KNOW where He wants you to start. Btdt!!)

So, how are YOU doing at implementing these skills? Which of them do you find most difficult?

11 Responses to “Honor Based Parenting (Chap 6)”
  1. I’m so glad I caught this today. Our last two weeks have been….well, abysmal is as good a word as any. My energy is totally zapped and my whole focus has been on keeping the kids alive and dealing with the pregnancy rough patch I’m in. Needless to say…attitudes around here have also been quite abysmal. On the inside I want so badly to be constantly focused on these skills – #1 1nd #3 especially. But on the outside I’m cranky and tired and just not being the mommy I want to be. Boy I didn’t intend for this to sound quite so whiny!
    I’m still here. I’m still reading and absorbing the truth I’m getting from this book. God’s really showing me so many areas that we need to focus on. But I feel like He’s giving me the overview – the “this is what we’re going to do – what I’m going to help you do” and yet I’m not in postition to jump in with both feet yet.

  2. javadawn says:

    “This is what WE are going to do – what *I* am going to help you do.” What a precious comfort that is! That the LORD of the UNIVERSE is going to help us parent. Man, I LOVE it when He says stuff like that to me. 🙂

  3. Margie says:

    Ohhhhhh my! I SO need to work on #1 and #2 especially (not to say that the others are a breeze because I’m not even considering them at the moment). My Dad was a Major General in the army reserves, I grew up with stern, harsh and orders. Many is the day that Drill Sergent Mom appears in my place.

    Show less emotion, and make that emotion that you show less of anger. YIKES! I have Miller and Turansky’s other book Good and Angry … this point is such a biggy, and challenge that it warrants it’s own book. And, by the way, that is a very good book. I guess if I were more consistant with the teachings in that book I would have #2 down. *blush* more to learn here.

  4. reneegrace says:

    yup.. #1 and #2… I am sure it will be so much easier once I have this baby. (just kidding!)

    I haven’t seen any difference really in the kids, but I sure have in ME!! which will eventually mean a difference in the kids! I am so much happier… it seems when I blow it, I get consumed by guilt which makes me worse and angrier and more frustrated with me, which makes me more frustrated with them… yeah, you get the picture!

    My new 4 yr old is a talker… he will be a lawyer, tv evangelist or salesman! 🙂 His arguments are SO convincing… and he does it without you even realizing he is argueing with you… very cunning! 🙂

    It is very easy to get caught up in long detailed discussions with this kiddo and not even realize it!

  5. April says:

    I, too, have noticed a big difference in me. And also how I self-talk. I don’t usually use any of those skills in how I speak to myself. I’m a big self-lecturer and the whole have-a-positive-future thing is not in my brain.

    I confess, that I think the way I talk to myself comes out in how I speak to my children and even my husband and other family when I’m frazzled. It’s interesting to me that God is instructing me like this through this book. I was hoping it would be all about THEM — what’s with that anyway?! 🙂

  6. :Quote: Did anyone but me feel certain that they ought to send their children to live with the Turansky or Miller family until they were 16 or so? :/Quote:

    *whew* Does that mean that those of us over 16 are safe? 😉 Or does it just mean that we’re weird enough that you don’t want the poor Turansky and Miller families to be exposed to us? 😛
    ~Yours truly

  7. javadawn says:

    Dear Shadow, As long as you’re in charge of cleaning the kitchen, you stay. 😉 As for the rest of the crew – if Chatty Kathy comes in at 2 am to tell me another dream, I MAY send her to them COD. 😀

    April & ReneeGrace, Those folks are pretty brutal when it comes to addressing us poor parents, huh? 😉 I love it when the Lord addresses my sin and helps me see that I need to alter my actions or way of thinking – but I never love the process. That’s just plain painful. :/ Praying for you both!

  8. winkies6 says:

    Dawn… LOL on your reply to Shadow. Mayhaps, Chatty Kathy needs a journal to write down her dreams to share them with you in the morning? Or, how about a taperecorder? 😀

  9. javadawn says:

    Dear W6, Chatty Kathy could talk 10 tape recorders into the dumpster!!!!! (Hence, of course, “Chatty Kathy”)

    We have noticed that people frequently slip into what we refer to as, a “Great White Shark stare” after spending short amounts of time with her. She is SO wired to talk that if you stop her from getting all the words hiding in her wee body before the end of the night – she will wake up talking before she has her eyes open. (I am not joking about this, huh, Shadow???) Her bunk bed buddy told her the other night that if she didn’t stop talking, she would be forced to sleep on the roof. I was surprised to see her in her bed in the morning. 😆

  10. OK, this chapter…I have been stuck in for a while. But it is a good kind of stuck.

    Did anybody read Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs? THAT was a book that changed my life drastically. I had no concept of what respect *looked like* before this. NONE. I remember being dumbfounded when Father started showing me different areas in my walk with DH that were not respectful. Huh? THAT? My thinking had to be drastically upset…starting over from square one.

    That is what I am experiencing with this chapter, only in regards to my children. I do not respond/relate with honor TO MY CHILDREN. Ugh. Very painful to realize, but no less true.

    I am in a season where Father is showing me, just like with Hubby, where I am not honoring…tones of voice, facial expressions, harshness. Wow. This is a very hard work, but very good. I do not want to short-change this season…I want to get from it all that Father wants to teach me. I want to allow Him to make the changes He desires without trying to rush it. So I am behind with the book, but way more ahead of the game then had I not read this.

  11. javadawn says:

    Soak, my dear. Just SOAK. Allow His work to be made manifest in you. Training our children is work with eternal import. What we are doing with our children TODAY will affect generations to come. So, again I say, do not hurry – but tarry here with Him. He will lead IN HIS TIME!!!

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