It was hanging on the outside edge of the garage sale. It was beautiful and it was velvet and it was miserably hot – and I didn’t care. The little burgundy velvet, double breasted coat, with pearl buttons and a matching tie on bonnet style hat – why, it looked like something you’d have expected to see Carolyn Kennedy wearing, when she was little. I opened it up, it said, “Rothschild.” What more could I ask? Beautiful and long lasting too.

But, I sighed, as I looked over at my daughter in her stroller – after all the years of being told we were infertile – there was no telling if we’d have another little girl to put this coat on or not….and it was $12. It might as well have been $120. I had just come home from work and cut our income in half….but DOG! I wanted that coat.

I started to walk away in a slump but I felt the Lord quicken in my heart that I should go back and ask about it – I didn’t know what I was going to ask – but I just knew I needed to talk to her about it. I walked up, pointing to the coat, and said, “I just have to tell you how beautiful that coat is.”

She looked up at me and smiled. “My mother bought that for my daughter.” I said, “Oh, how old is your daughter?” And with that began a gentle, general and very low-key conversation, with my daughter sleeping in her stroller. After a bit the woman asked if this was our only child and I said, “Yes, we have been diagnosed as infertile, but the Lord saw fit to bless us with her. She’s a delight to us.”

You would have thought I opened a flood gate. She had been told they were infertile too – that is why her mother spent $150 on this coat. (I told you it was a NICE coat!) Because, after many years, they had had a child, as well, and this coat was a celebration gift. I smiled and said, “I think that coat would be a perfect way to celebrate.” “Why don’t you buy it? It’s the perfect size for your daughter.” “Oh – I wish I could, but, when we had Danica, I quit work. It cut our income in half and right now I simply don’t have the money. But if I did, it’d be in my stroller for SURE.”

She stopped – she looked at me and she said, “You know what, I want you to have that coat. We’re a lot like you, we have many medical bills from having our son, so I can’t just give it to you – but if I let you take it would you want to just bring me the money when you can?” I gasped! It was more than I could think or imagine. That gorgeous coat might really be mine?!!! I am blond, I can be slow – but I ain’t THAT slow – you better believe I took her up on the offer.

It took awhile to pay her back, but that was okay, because it gave me opportunity to talk to her and make a new friend. Sadly, she moved away, but not before I got her paid back. πŸ™‚

You know – on the outside this seems like a story about a coat, but it’s not – it’s a story about relationship. And, it’s not even about the relationship I had with the young mom – it’s about relationship with Father.

I would NEVER have thought to go back and just speak to that mom. I would have known that I didn’t have the money and been done with it. But, everything in the Kingdom of God is about Him and He wanted to glorify Himself in both our sight.

(Keep your hands and arms inside the car at all times – and HERE we go!! Hold on!! From here on, I’m in full Dawn swing – passionate to the hilt and long winded!)

This past Monday night, Danica had food poisoning. We sat up together for a goodly part of the night, her in pain, me in prayer. Over and over, I petitioned my Lord for the healing of my daughter. Suddenly in the midst of prayer, I almost heard – but more sensed – that my prayers were impotent.

PRAYER IMPOTENT?? NO WAY! That is antithetical to everything I believe. Where did it come from? It wasn’t an attack on the character of Father – it wasn’t an attack on my lack of prayer life, it wasn’t a matter of sin in my life – I asked. It didn’t seem to be anything EXCEPT that I think I have been taught wrongly about prayer.

Now, I want to pause here and say, I am a woman of prayer. When Danica (and Jeffrey) were small, they were little night owls and I would get up early in the morning and have 4 – 6 hrs of prayer daily. By the time the 4th child came along, it was more like 2 hours and when number 6 came along, it had been pared back to 1 hour. I have been trained to pray about EVERYTHING. There is nothing, there is no one, that I would not pray for. (Okay, maybe there is, but I can’t think of anything off the top of my blond head.) πŸ™‚

Several (okay, a lot of) years ago, I was trained in intercession in the Church. I spent many hours listening to incredibly wise people teaching more and more and more about prayer. I learned to listen to Father’s voice more clearly, I learned to prayerfully discern things, I learned the power of the Word for ministering to me and for wielding in prayer.

There was a season in my life that I remember being so in tune with Father that I was washing dishes while Jeff was working in the attic. The Lord said, “Jeff needs a hammer – go get it for him.” I stopped what I was doing and took the hammer upstairs. As I reached the base of that attic stairs, he was coming down, “Hey, I need to go get a ha….” By then, he saw that I was handing him the hammer. This scenario was common…..

I am not a prayer newbie. BUT, Monday night, on the bathroom floor, I was bowled over (NO PUN!!) πŸ˜› when I realized that fundamentally, when I strip back everything I know/have been taught about prayer – it always comes back to me. If I pray enough…if I’m eloquent enough…if my life is sufficiently free from sin…if I ask the right way…if I…if I….if I.

Yes, yes, yes, I’ve always given Father the credit for the answers, but the reality is, when I strip off all the holy words, if I strip off all the “stuff,” there is still something about the way I’ve been taught to pray that reflects upon the person praying, rather than the One to whom they’re praying.

Let me see if I can give you an example – I’ve been taught that if I wanted to break through in a mighty way in prayer that I needed to fast. (Please read my heart here, okay? I am not bashing fasting – I very much think there is a place for it – I’m just not sure it’s the place that I used to think it was.) If I fast, then where is the focus going? It’s going to ME!

When it gets broken down to the most base elements, it was MY fasting that did some great work. Did I do something that “made”(??) God move? Is it something I did that stayed the hand of the enemy? Is it something I did that….what? I didn’t do anything! If I did, then prayer would be about me and it’s not – it’s about my Lord. It’s about the Cross and it’s about His complete and total sufficiency. It’s about HimHimHim!!!

I oh so hope you can hear my heart in this – I want to wrestle it out some more, but the more I’m studying this in the Word, the more I suspect that I need to have my understanding of prayer changed. I need to see it as something that GOD does and I obey. Period.

It’s not a matter of praying “long enough.” Because, how long is long enough? I can’t stand it when someone says to pray until the bowl is filled and then God moves. WHAT?!! When one breaks THAT down to its very essence, it says I have the power to command God, if I will just pray enough prayers. It also says the heart of God – the I AM – the Eternal God – the Unchanging God – is capricious.

If all we needed to do was pray x number of prayers before Father decided to move, then wouldn’t we have a book in Scripture called “Menus”??? (I mean, if it were only a matter of choosing what thing we wanted God to serve and then ordering it, with the knowledge of what it would “cost” us – wouldn’t that be the same as a menu?!) (I know, I know, as Jeff said when I was sharing this with him, “So, Honey, how do you REALLY feel about it?”) πŸ˜•

What about those who have prayed and prayed and prayed until there wasn’t strength left in their bones and still nothing happened? Do we tell them if they had just prayed 2 more prayers that the person for whom they were praying would have been healed? Do we REALLY credit that much power to them? Do we REALLY put that much burden on them? NONONONONONO!!

What about any of the other issues…dare I say hoops?… that I’ve been taught about prayer? Do they apply? May it never be – because, again, when it all comes down to the essence of what they imply, it all has to do with me and not my Prophet, Priest and King!

I’m sorry – I do feel passionate about this – I have had some incredible teaching/training about prayer. I am likely to be half way through my life. I have, potentially wasted many years praying “incorrectly.” The mere thought of that makes me ill. It makes me ill for myself and my family, for those I’ve prayed for, for those that have spent themselves in prayer, seeking Father for a miracle. And it makes me ill to think that there are many of us who may have a wrong understanding of prayer.

Now, before you ask, NO I don’t have any answers, I’m just a Word Wrestling Female at this point. I will continue to seek Father and the Word for Truth. And maybe, I was just really sleepy and it will all pass away in a few weeks – or maybe the Lord is addressing my heart and asking something more of me or maybe it’s not about the form of prayer at all, but the state of my heart. (Which, truth be known, is really a lot more likely.)

I will ask, again, before you leave, that you please hear my heart. I’m not saying there is no power in prayer – on the contrary, I’m wondering if there isn’t more than we understand. I’m not saying there isn’t power in fasting – on the contrary, I think there is great power in fasting, just perhaps not for the purpose that I have been taught? I’m not saying that God isn’t amazing, incredible, holy, and omnipotent – on the contrary, I am more in awe of Him with this concept than ever before.

Please pray that I am able to wrestle this out to a place of Truth and not confusion in any way. And I will pray that you are able to read this and not throw things through your computer or even want to. And that we may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that we may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that we may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ.

(By the way? The Lord blessed us with 5 other little girls to wear that lovely coat. Davenna will be the one to do it next. All the bigger girls are jealous.) πŸ˜‰

17 Responses to “WWF”
  1. cbgrace says:

    Wow… I have to agree with you that as an intercessor, there have been times when I have fallen into the false notion that I could somehow command God. Which is not the case.

    There are some prayers God simply doesn’t answer. Paul, the great apostle asked that a thorn in his side be removed…God’s answer was no.

    On the other hand there is a chance that our prayers can change God’s mind. Moses prayed that God would not destroy Israel and the Word says, he changed God’s mind on the matter.

    There are times when my prayers are answered swiftly and times when the heaven’s feel silent. Is it something I did? or didn’t do? (This is usually where I go first…after all, God is never wrong so the problem has to be with me). I think we can find favor with God…in my life, it seems as if this happens in seasons. There seems to be times when God just answers more quickly than other times.

    The prayers God always seems to answer quickly are the ones He asks me to pray. Those prayers He puts into my mouth…those are the ones that bear the most fruit. Why? Because those are His heart…those are the prayers He deeply wants to answer. Yes, I believe there are prayers God deeply desires to answer.

    It all seems to go back to obedience for me. The Word says that obedience is better than sacrifice. Why, because obedience is about God and sacrifice is about me. Sacrifice is what I decide to give and obedience is about what He asks for. So my goal…just be obedient.

    Which actually goes to the fasting thing. Fasting is most effective when God calls me to it. Not that fasting when it is my decision isn’t effective. It is much easier to fast when God calls it vs. my choosing to do it.

  2. javadawn says:

    Cb, it’s not just the idea that I can command God – I met up with God in a way that that hasn’t been my struggle – it’s more than that and I’m really finding it hard to put into words.

    It would seem that there are prayers that Father does not choose to answer – I don’t know if/how Paul’s was one of them, simply because we don’t know what the thorn in his flesh was.

    Was it his pride that he wrestled with or was it his big nose that he really didn’t like? (There have been times, I would have been willing to ask the Lord to remove my nose – especially after I got hit in the face with a weed whacker and it swelled up to the size of a softball!) πŸ˜€

    I must confess, I don’t know that I believe that our prayers change God’s mind, any longer. ABSOLUTELY Scripture is clear that this happened in the Old Testament. But, I haven’t found any indication that anything even remotely like it happened, once Jesus was on the earth. Does that change it? It might – I don’t know. This is another one of those things that I’m wrestling with.

    Obedience is definitely a huge part of what I feel like I’m beginning to grasp – not that I didn’t see obedience as a key aspect of prayer before – it just seems to have a different something about it. (Heart attitude? Understanding more of God’s character than I have in the past?? NO CLUE)

    The one thing that I am CERTAIN CERTAIN CERTAIN of is that is has something to do with exalting the Cross even higher in my mind. Being of Reformed mindset, I thought that I had a pretty clear understanding of the importance, value, centrality of the Cross – but I’m thinking it wasn’t enough. πŸ˜•

    I don’t know – but I sure appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me, it helps me to process this all the more. I do not want to walk in heresy, but I sure don’t want to be sitting on the sidelines on my duff, if the Holy Spirit is saying, “Okay, Chick, let’s GO!” Kwim?

    Val, you know of course I’m waiting for you to weigh in – and kick my backside??!! πŸ˜‰

  3. Valerie says:

    I want to stay and talk! Believe it or not, I am rushing out the door for a pedicure and manicure (blessed, blessed, blessed!!) so have to fly!

    Two quick thoughts – obedience and sufficiency – what the Lord has revealed to me during all this time of long, aching prayers. Can’t wait to chat further!

    Val xx

  4. Violet says:

    This week has been full for our family in many ways, and prayer has been a huge factor in all the details. In the past several years I have come to a new understanding of prayer. It sounds like you are going through that same process, Dawn.

    Simply put, I see prayer as a communication with God that brings me to the place of seeing things from His perspective, according to His character. It’s not about having my “requests” answered in a favorable manner, or changing God’s mind about anything. It’s about changing MY mind about everything because of coming to know God better and trusting Him more. As I pray about everything, making my requests known with thanksgiving and assurance that He knows best, then I am overwhelmed with His peace, and an “answer” according to my desires doesn’t make any difference to me anymore. I know that whatever He is bringing into my life (both pain and joy) comes from His loving hands with the ultimate purpose of conforming me to the image of His Son. I can rest in the fact that His purpose will be accomplished, and He guards me all the way.

    I know this probably isn’t too clear, but I don’t have the time at the moment to develop it further. I would just say meditate on Phil. 4:6, 7 and be thrilled with Him and His work in your life.

  5. reneegrace says:

    How is it possible to agree with ALL of you AT THE SAME TIME?? πŸ™‚

    Violet, I agree, but I don’t think it is only that. I think that intercessory prayer is different.

    BUT I do believe it has to do with knowing / hearing God’s heart. I think, to some extent it does have to do with us, because God made it that way. He can’t use us if we aren’t willing… He gets our attention, our ears, our hearts and He works through us. It’s ALL because of Him – He draws us and speaks to us and HE acts and works in the lives of others and heals etc.

    Dawn, before you freak out about how useless and pointless your prayer life was, see the way God met with you, the time you spent with Him… and I would say, the lives that were changed because you allowed listened the secrets of His heart.

    What is beautiful, is you know that God isn’t done revealing His purpose and path and … “the way” of prayer. You only know as much as God reveals at a time. We will all grow in this, and heaven side we will see the whole picture. And we’ll sigh and laugh at how right we ALL were… and how WRONG we ALL were!!

    Ramble finished… not too well thought out. Hope that made sense. I must go to bed.

  6. Margie says:

    I have to agree with Violet, quote:”Simply put, I see prayer as a communication with God that brings me to the place of seeing things from His perspective, according to His character. It’s not about having my β€œrequests” answered in a favorable manner, or changing God’s mind about anything. It’s about changing MY mind about everything because of coming to know God better and trusting Him more.”

    I am not sure that I have come to a place in my prayer life where this is reality for me. I wish it were.

    I fear that I lack confidence in my prayer life. Perhaps it comes from my husband’s constant questioning and criticizing… “Why doesn’t God tell you XYZ?” I lack the confidence to believe that I am really hearing God and to walk in that faith. Don’t know if it makes sense, but I doubt that I would have walked up stairs with the hammer and if I had not sure my husband would have needed it. I would love to have more of those encounters to confirm that I am indeed hearing God.

  7. Holly says:

    Hmmm. I really relate to what you are writing, Dawn.

    Perhaps it is because He really didn’t answer or move in the ways that we thought He would over the past four months. In many ways, He has been silent.

    Yes – that’s right – He didn’t move in the ways we thought He would. πŸ™‚ Even though we asked nicely, even though we have trusted, even though it seems we have done everything “right.” (See? It’s all about me!)

    It has meant a re-evaluation of prayer, of who He is…not in a bad way though. It re-evaluates His purpose. In some ways, It causes me to see that His ways are so far above my ways, and I just have to come to trust and contentment knowing that He knows best…no matter what it looks like here on earth.

    And, by the way, in my previous comment down where you asked “How’s your prayer life?”, I wasn’t dismissing the prayer closet. I believe in the vitality of it, the blessing of it – the “getting” to draw near to Him because of it. For me, at this time, though, I don’t get long hours of it. I am mostly groaning to Him all day long….(groaning as in calling out to Him for sustenance and help – not groaning as in whining – although there is a fair amount of that too.)

    So – please continue to share what you are learning. I am anxious to learn too!

  8. javadawn says:

    Oh Holly, I wish I could – this is still in the groaning stages, too. I can “feel” – it’s SO close. It’s like walking through a spider web on a breezy summer night – it sticks in your hair, but you keep chasing it when you feel it brush against your face. I feel it – I feel like I’m gaining on it, but again, through a glass dimly…… : /

    Violet, I understand what you’re talking about – Father has taken me to that place, as well – this is something new…something different… ??? (I feel so frustrated by my inability to communicate my heart on this…)

    Thanks Renee, I’m not quite freaking out yet. πŸ˜‰ I just keep thinking, “Why didn’t I see this before?” “Why hasn’t anyone ever taught me this before?” In my heart, I know the answer. It wasn’t in Father’s time for me to know it before now….if there is really even anything there for me to grasp. πŸ˜•

    Margie, my sweet, “I fear that I lack confidence in my prayer life” – that’s just it – it’s NOT your prayer life. It’s the prayer life that Father has placed within you. It’s His equipping of you. It’s His using you. It’s His working thru you. It’s Him, It’s Him and it’s Him.

    This is part of it – this new understanding of how little I play in the prayer process. Yes, I have a part to play, but there is nothing that I can take credit for.

    I was watching Davenna play last night and I thought I could see a measure of what I’m learning revealed in her. Only, it seems I’m going backward, rather than forward??

    She’s no longer a newborn. She’s getting to be a big girl. She clears her place, she puts her dirty clothes in the laundry, she helps empty the dishwasher. She’s just growing up so well.

    But not that long ago, she was a newborn. A newborn is precious in their family. It’s their “job” to make little snuffly baby noises, eat, cry and fill their diapers. That is their job. They have that part to fill – BUT, they are only able to do their job, if “the mama” does hers.

    If mama doesn’t feed the baby, it doesn’t cry and fill its diaper. If mama doesn’t change its pants, it doesn’t make sweet snuffly baby noises.

    People look at the baby and say, “Oh, what a sweet baby” but in reality, the baby couldn’t be the baby without the mama. It’s really ALL about the mama – but the baby is the focus.

    THAT is kind of how I feel like prayer has been taught to me. It’s been taught to me to have the attention on me. Yes, people look at Father and say, “The Lord really answered that prayer.” BUT the fact is, they credit the person praying with something – when in fact, it’s really ALL about the Lord and not about me at all.

    I don’t know guys. It’s just SO beyond words for me. And again, I may be way off. I know I was tired (okay, exhausted) while I was sitting there and it could all be a figment of my imagination. (If so, then I wish it would stop being a niggling thought for me to wrestle with. It’s a gallon size thought for my quart size brain.)

    Thanks everyone for helping me wrestle with this. If I gain any further clarity, I’ll let you know. If you get correction for me, you let me know, okay?

  9. Holly says:

    Dawn, I have been beginning to realize for some time now how most of EVERYTHING in this life…from beginning til now, and including all people, is not about us but about Him. It’s about His purposes, not ours. I don’t mean that tritely, either. It’s just hard to explain, particularly typing one handed.

    So, I’m seeing this, but this does not negate His great love for humanity, nor His consideration of us, either.

    Personally. it means that my prayers generally pray for His will to be done. There is less a specific outcome in mind – more of a “Father, YOU know best. Your will be done. May we accept Your Wiil, Your plan.”

    Now – THAT prayer is harder to pray when it involves a child – MY children, or whan it involves seeming great loss – but then I realize that I am not seeing things thru His eyes.

    At risk of sounding like a heretic yet again, I am coming to think that He is much more concerned with His will, His plan coming to completion than He is my comfort, my happiness, or my anything else.

    And yet, humblingly enough, He does loves me and considers me.

  10. Holly says:

    And…may I add that I am perfectly open to correction? It may be that I have tunnel vision right now, and am missing the full beauty of all of this. I often feel that I am dancing on the edge of understanding something, but can not grasp it fully. It’s the old “I know in part” thing.

    So, please, y’all, feel free to (lovingly) correct me. πŸ™‚

  11. Valerie says:

    Holly, I said almost that exact same line a month ago in church when I was preaching about suffering. “God is far more concerned about our character than He is about our comfort”. The more I go through the fire, the more I am realising the truth of this. He LOVES us – immensely – and I know He cares about our pain – but having His heart worked out in us, having faith birthed in us, having His character developed in us – those are things that He cares most about. I am convinced of it.

    I think that a key to prayer is obedience. I will ALWAYS pray for healing, because I know God heals. I will also ask how the Father wants me to pray. I pray, too, that His will may be done, as this is of far greater value than anything else.

    Having said that, I have seen the power of intercessory prayer – those long hours where something seems to be birthed and you know you have been a part of kingdom building. It is hard to describe, but there is a sense that your prayer has been vital to the work and the plans of the kingdom. I can feel a blog post brewing, Dawn!

    Can’t wait for you to share more of your heart.

    V xx

  12. Holly says:

    Thanks, Val. (Dawn, where are you???)

    I knew I wouldn’t do a very good job of trying to explain myself. πŸ™‚ It is bad enough when I have two hands…mostly I’m trying to condense myself so that my one handed typing goes more quickly.

    Yes, we should keep asking. I have thought all day of scripture which says so.

    But what I am finding practically speaking, is that as I go along thru life usually I’m not even wise enough to know what is best for me to ask for. Most of what I’ve asked for (regarding myself, and the directions our lives might take) have not been what would have been for the best in the long run. I’m so thankful that YHWH didn’t listen to me, but answered my prayers with His much better plan! Truth is, my life has gone NOTHING like I thought it should!

    I would have never chosen this many children, or to homeschool, or to move where we have, or this house…

    But WOW! Am I glad that I didn’t make the decisions!

    I’m finding in many things, that I need to open my life and my hands up and say, “Whatever YOU want, whatever YOUR plan is,” and that He is trustworthy. I am learning to not “kick at the goads” so much, but to stand back and watch what he is doing. Sometimes, it doesn’t even feel like my life anymore. It feels like I am an observer. That’s not a scary thing, nor a freaky thing…so please don’t commit me, people. πŸ™‚ It is a trusting thing. It is a good thing.

    Now, as to intercessory prayer, I…I…I…think I believe it is proper to ask Him to intercede on behalf of others. I think it is proper to ask Him to align our requests up with His Will. Meaning – that we come to the point of communion with Him and of seeking His face and His plan – that our requests do not stand juxtaposed against His plan. Is that always possible? Nah. But it’s a good goal! πŸ™‚

    Not sure I did any better, but I do appreciate being able to think it out here. πŸ™‚ And, as always, I stand ready for correction and additional learning! πŸ™‚

  13. Javadawn says:

    I’m here, I’m here – just waiting for the ice situation to abate. πŸ™‚

    It’s after midnight and I’m headed to bed. I couldn’t communicate clearly if I wanted to.


  14. javadawn says:

    Okay, I’m back –
    And you know what? I don’t have much further wisdom to offer than I did before.

    Before I forget Holly – honey, I can’t remember where you said it, but I didn’t mean to imply that you thought there was something wrong with a morning quiet time.
    I was, actually, implying that I’m enough of a mess that I can’t go through my day without it. I try to talk to Father all day long – and I do, but it feels weak to me – and too often my brain is going so quickly these days, that my prayer closet is my LIFELINE!!! (Okay, on to my other thought before it escapes) πŸ˜‰
    I do know this – one of the things that Father has taught me is that I am to have a heart in submission to Him, regardless of the outcome. It is to be wholly focused on pleasing Him with my life – regardless of the cost.
    BUT, while that is to be my heart attitude, I find that He calls to me to pray with specifics and sometimes great force – all the while having a heart attitude that He is all that I/we/they/need.
    That does do a little to change my perspective from observer to participant, but it’s without the…the… the sense of performance that it used to have. No longer are the results due to anything I did or didn’t do. No longer are the results dependent upon my hearing perfectly what I’m to pray. No longer are the results dependent upon how long I spent praying it – it’s allallallallallall pointing toward Him.
    I still can’t come up with words to take this from an ethereal sense to something tangible. I’m sorry for being so vague. :/

  15. cbgrace says:

    Hi Java,

    Well, alot has been brewing. A friend of mine visited our church this weekend. He and his family live in Nashville these days but at one time he was one of my pastors.

    He is very insightful and hears from the Lord. He prayed for me. He said something like, you are a warrior. You are always engaging in battle but there are times when you just need to worhip and let the angels fight the battle.

    Of course he’s right. My husband says that I “call the fire down”.

    So my thoughts are stirring in the area of worship. I always have worship around me. The music I listen to, Bible reading, even Christian friends…but having worship around you isn’t the same as having worship in you…

  16. javadawn says:

    Hey cbgrace, YES! The Lord showed us some time ago that worship and prayer are two sides of the same coin!!! I think you will find it will transform your prayer closet!!!

    I can tell you straight up, the times the Lord has given me songs to sing, in worship, as well as then, in prayer have been some of the sweetest prayer times I have EVER had!!!

    MERRY CHRISTMAS to you!! πŸ˜€

  17. Holly says:

    Ah, that is very awesome, Dawn. I think you are doing a good job describing it, and I can truly relate. Thanks so much!

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