Putting my life where my mouth…uh, fingers are
I am sitting here with tears welling in my eyes. I am being pressed to the wall and my flesh is screaming and writhing and somewhere out there, the Lord assures me is someone else who will wholly understand what I’m describing and my words will encourage them. So, for whatever sister that is – This blogs for you! 😉
We are in a position right now of receiving an incredible opportunity. (No – no babies.) 🙂 Most people in hearing what the opportunity is would think I was totally insane and petty and shallow to be struggling with it. I can live with those names. 🙂
But, here is the issue: In order for us to open our arms and embrace this, we are going to have to let go of other things that our arms are holding.
Now, my arms are not full of frivolous and silly things – they are full of production and increase and profit. (Good Kingdom things) In order to step into the realm of receiving, I have to lay down all those good things. And for what?
I don’t know. I don’t know what this opportunity will provide for us – and in that is the pinch. I have no promise of anything coming out of this. I have no assurance that the sacrifice of all that I’m laying down, in order to walk this out, will ever amount to anything.
What I do know is that Jeff feels that it is important for us to strap this on and see what the Lord would have for us. I do not. He, while not wanting to do it, feels that it is important that we pursue it. I on the other hand, would just as soon decline and keep on doing the things that are already here for me to do.
BUT – and herein lies the OUCH part – I will choose to crucify my flesh to be in submission to what Jeff is hearing for us. Please do not misunderstand me here – there is NOTHING in me that wants to follow this through (if you knew what I was talking about, I fear you’d slap me!) but in order to remain faithful to what the Lord has requested of me, I have no desire but to submit to Him.
Do not misunderstand me, there is nothing weak in my response. It is taking every ounce of strength and spiritual maturity I have in me to lay down my agenda, nay even harder – to lay down OUR agenda – and walk this out. But walk I will, praying every step of the way for the strength I need for the next step. (And as silly as it sounds, that IS what I will have to do in order to accomplish what is before us.)
Fair warning – use the term “brainless submission” in my presence at your own risk! 😀 😉