Putting my life where my mouth…uh, fingers are

I am sitting here with tears welling in my eyes.  I am being pressed to the wall and my flesh is screaming and writhing and somewhere out there, the Lord assures me is someone else who will wholly understand what I’m describing and my words will encourage them.  So, for whatever sister that is – This blogs for you!   😉

We are in a position right now of receiving an incredible opportunity.  (No – no babies.)    🙂   Most people in hearing what the opportunity is would think I was totally insane and petty and shallow to be struggling with it. I can live with those names.   🙂

But, here is the issue: In order for us to open our arms and embrace this, we are going to have to let go of other things that our arms are holding.

Now, my arms are not full of frivolous and silly things – they are full of production and increase and profit.  (Good Kingdom things) In order to step into the realm of receiving, I have to lay down all those good things.  And for what?

I don’t know.  I don’t know what this opportunity will provide for us – and in that is the pinch.  I have no promise of anything coming out of this.  I have no assurance that the sacrifice of all that I’m laying down, in order to walk this out, will ever amount to anything.

What I do know is that Jeff feels that it is important for us to strap this on and see what the Lord would have for us.  I do not.  He, while not wanting to do it, feels that it is important that we pursue it.  I on the other hand, would just as soon decline and keep on doing the things that are already here for me to do.

BUT – and herein lies the OUCH part – I will choose to crucify my flesh to be in submission to what Jeff is hearing for us. Please do not misunderstand me here – there is NOTHING in me that wants to follow this through (if you knew what I was talking about, I fear you’d slap me!) but in order to remain faithful to what the Lord has requested of me, I have no desire but to submit to Him.

Do not misunderstand me, there is nothing weak in my response.  It is taking every ounce of strength and spiritual maturity I have in me to lay down my agenda, nay even harder – to lay down OUR agenda – and walk this out.  But walk I will, praying every step of the way for the strength I need for the next step.  (And as silly as it sounds, that IS what I will have to do in order to accomplish what is before us.)

Fair warning – use the term “brainless submission” in my presence at your own risk!   😀  😉

9 Responses to “Putting my life where my mouth…uh, fingers are”
  1. Kristine says:

    words, words, words… they speak volumes don’t they?

    What you said was, “I will choose to crucify my flesh to be in submission to what Jeff is hearing for us.”

    May I challenge you instead to choose to honor your husband’s decision?

    The former reflects outward submission, the latter addresses your heart attitude.

    Connecting the dots from your Mirror allegory, are you “committed to being a pure reflection that He might shine through?”

    Are you allowing Him to shine through you right now?

    I pray that God’s grace will allow you to dance through this challenge. By doing so you will live “a life fully given to reflecting His beauty, His glory and delighting in the responsibility we have to do”.

    Pick up the shard that you dropped and Dance!

    I love you sister!

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Are you saying he wants another baby? Did I misread that part here? You know, all I can tell you is that we SO WISH we had had more now. Three is not enough. Were it just the first 2 I had had, my life would be very bereft in the family department…thank you FATHER for that third one!! What I wish is that we had TRUSTED the FATHER for the size of our family. Well, at our age now, all we can do is look forward to the Millenial time and HOPEFULLY get another chance. A chance to raise a family the WAY WE SHOULD have raised the one we have now. Enough verses in scripture to further those hopes. But my advice to you, even if you feel you do not have the strength or want to do this, is: GO FOR IT!! It won’t happen unless the FATHER wants it to anyway…and it may be HE just wants to see that your family is really in order, in HIS order where the dad is the priest of the home, leading the family in all decisions, yet ever accountable more so to the HEAVENLY FATHER!!

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Oh oh…reread that part…you are saying NO babies…oh well. Any rate, there are many things that require a sacrifice…especially for us women, in my opinion and moreso in what our society has become. I know the FATHER will help you get past whatever hurdles are ahead, somehow, someway. The obedience is something that we are learning too, continually it seems. It is hard for us humans to trust HIM so much as we ought to. Forgive my MISREADING what you wrote there…

  4. javadawn says:

    😀 Elizabeth, naw, my struggle is SO much more prosaic than having another baby. THAT would be something worthy of the struggle I’ve gone through. This is of much less value and import. It’s just been hard for me. Thank you though for the encouragement!

    Off to hit the road running! See y’all next week.

  5. Leigh Ann says:

    This is where the rubber meets the road, and you are rising to the top like the cream that you are. If you feel like doing it and agree with it then it is not submission. But you know all this. Grace and peace be unto you through our Lord Jesus Christ.

  6. julie says:

    Last year about this time my husband asked me to do something that I really didn’t want to do. He was working at a good job…you know the one with a paycheck every 2 weeks and insurance. He felt that God wanted him to go into the consulting and training world…you know the one not quite for sure when the paycheck will come and NO insurance. I REALLY struggled with this. We had already tried owning our own business once in the past and it almost ended up in bankruptcy. I most certainly didn’t want to go back to that especially since he had a good job. I submitted myself to my husband. At times it was hard, and at other times it was harder. However, God is faithful. This move has put us into a postition to pay off debt in the next few months instead of the next few years. It was a step of faith for my husband and a leap of faith for me, but it was right in the plan of the Lord for our lives. I just want to encourage you in all of this. I don’t know your situation, but I do KNOW the feelings of doing something that doesn’t come so easy.
    grace and peace,

  7. javadawn says:

    My Dears, you all make me feel so…small. 😕 I KNOW the issue is our own heart – but the issue I was wrestling with is so trivial – so banal compared to the ones you’re talking about wrestling with.

    There are times the weak state of my flesh astounds me. I think I know how much I desire to walk in my own ways – and then I see it in full array and I’m just disgusted with myself. (Although, I am quite grateful for the support and encouragement of knowing that there is no sin but what is common to man.) 😕

  8. Kristine says:

    Do you know what this reminds me of? Obedience training.

    One way to teach a young child to obey is to ask him to perform seemingly insignificant tasks. By consistently obeying, the habit of obedience is formed.

    I guarantee that child would much rather continue building his Lego structure than get up and obey my insignificant request because my request is completely out of line with his purpose.

    Dawn, is Father trying to form a new habit of obedience?

    Food for thought… (sorry it’s not chocolate)


  9. javadawn says:



    Let me think – He called my husband to quit work and come home and live in total faith that He would sustain us. He allowed us to lose our home, lose our van and have our electric shut off in the middle of winter…twice. (For which He did not provide the money for until we were sitting without power – and then both times it came within minutes – and it was ALWAYS money that was WAY overdue.)

    He called us to remain home and not drive our van for over a week – telling us specifically that He we were to give our gas money away. (Even if this meant no groceries for that week)

    He told us to write a book that would end up going unpaid for 4 months and He’s now called us to serve in another situation, in faith, that there would be financial remuneration somewhere in the future. (Which we are TOTALLY at peace with)

    We are packing and giving away all kinds of stuff – in preparation for a move that He is speaking to us – to a house that we don’t have money for – to a place we do not know.

    Doesn’t sound like He’s trying to work on a NEW habit of obedience. Sure seems like He’s been working on it for awhile.

    “Speak Lord, for Your servant is listening” has been the theme of my prayer journal for a year and a half.

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