Perfectly Suited

When I got married and the Lord began to speak to me about being Jeff’s helpmeet, I had many sources trying to tell me what it meant. Some of them said that it meant that I could never be anything more than a tool in his toolbelt. Some said that it meant that I was to be silent and just serve him. Some told me that I was in sin to address his sin, some told me it was loving kindness to address his sin. Voices from all about me clamored for my attention and my obedience. They only served to give me a headache. Weary and confused from the conflicting information, I went to the Lord, “Father, make me a helpmeet perfectly suited to Jeff. Allow me to know how best to serve HIM. Allow me to best know how to minister to HIM. Teach me in every way how to be a perfect fit for HIM.” Through the past 25 years, the Lord has been faithful to answer that prayer. (In spite of me, I might add)

Interestingly, as I obey well in one area, the Lord will then allow me more freedom in that area. SO, when I learned to “hush up and pray” without anger in my heart, shortly after that, the Lord taught me to address specific sin in Jeff’s life – in a very quiet and humble way…once…and then just pray. When I learned to do that, it wasn’t long before I was able to address specific sin in Jeff’s life more than once. And then pray. Most recently I haven’t even had to be “quiet” about it. πŸ˜† That doesn’t mean I can scream or yell about it, but there have been things that the Lord has asked me to take to Jeff that are strong and what I would consider “forceful.” Whereas, 23 years ago, I might have wanted that kind of “freedom” now it seems like a very….somber responsibility. (Am I communicating this clearly? It’s just a matter of being faithful with little resulting in being allowed much)

It’s been such a process – always Father requiring discipline in that area, before He allows me freedom in that area. (Exercise was that same way for me. I prayed that I would love working out, like so many other people I knew. I HATED it! By being disciplined in it, I soon found that I did delight in doing it – but that freedom came out of the discipline first. *shrugs* Gotta love this upside down Kingdom we’re allowed to be a part of.)

These past two years, Father has been making me a steward – perfectly suited to serving Him. Learning to be perfectly suited to Jeff was a breeze compared to this adventure. A B.R.E.E.Z.E. I tell you, a breeze! πŸ™‚

There have been two key aspects of this process. The first is to know my Master more. Just like I had to get to know Jeff more in order to know how to be perfectly suited to him, I had to learn to know Father more, as well. Isn’t it funny how when we get dressed for church, we think that means that God needs to fit into our “church purse”? (Maybe that’s just my sin, but I’m guessing it’s common to man…or woman)

This meant that the religious lies I had believed had to die. May I say here that the wrong things that we have believed about the Lord from childhood have the same tenacity as some demonic strongholds?!!! There are things that I have thought were Biblical that I clung to – shadowing how I saw God – and they were just plain wrong. But, letting go of those was painful, deeply, personally and achingly painful.

The next thing that had to be dealt with was my love of Mammon. If you would have asked me, I’d have told you I didn’t love Mammon. I would have told you that coming from a family that had money had burned me on EVER having money and therefore, I didn’t love Mammon. I would have been wrong. (I can’t say lying, because I truly didn’t understand the love of Mammon, I just would have been wrong)

Has anyone else out there ever wondered why the third servant in the parable of the talents from Matthew 25 knows the Master as being a hard (or harsh) man, reaping where he had not sown while the other two servants delight in taking care of his talents? Any thoughts? Let me offer you mine – Consider if you will, chapter 6 of the same book (Matthew) verse 24….. NOW do you have any thoughts? While you ponder on that, let me share a bit more what I’ve learned about Mammon.

I think I shared with you when I learned that Mammon is a spirit – a demon god, just like Molech, or any other god that was being worshiped at the time of Christ. Finally finding a purpose for that psychology course I had to take in college, I can say that attention – either positive or negative – is good. That would mean both the love of money AND the fear of a lack of money are indications that we are serving Mammon.

Until the Lord could break me – us – of the fear of the lack of money – or the subtle pride that rode about in my heart about how well I could manage our household on little (UGH – dare I confess that here?!!!) – or the worry that determined our every business decision on whether or not it would bring in enough money – or the concept that our every decision is determined by how much money we have, rather than on what the Lord is saying or not saying – or the concern that there would never be enough money that I wouldn’t DREAM of buying pizza for my children when we weren’t employed – or the fear of being wealthy – or the desire of being wealthy – or the idea that money has power (GULP) – Until ALL THAT GARBAGE COULD BE CULLED FROM MY HEART, I WAS NOT PERFECTLY SUITED FOR SERVICE TO MY MASTER.

Now, with the idea in mind that serving Mammon isn’t just loving money, it seems to me that it’s pretty obvious that the third steward loved Mammon and it resulted in his lack of love for his master…actually Scripture says his HATE of his master. Unlike THAT servant however, the Lord didn’t call me worthless nor did He throw me outside into the darkness where there is gnashing of teeth.

Instead, because I am His beloved, personal steward, He drew me near and washed me – and cleansed me of my love of Mammon. NOW – and only now (and I don’t by any means wish to imply this is a done deal, I’m just saying the initial cleansing of this sin in my heart is nearing completion.) can Father begin to truly use us.

So, let me put feet to this for you – at least in regards to money. (It also affects everything else in our lives, but right now, let me focus on money):

I no longer fear being wealthy. Rather, I anticipate that as I continue to submit myself to being refined and purified for my Master’s use, that our home will be a great receptacle for moving money from one place in the Kingdom to another. Money belongs to my Master and it is for His good pleasure and for His plans that money is poured into the hands of His Believers – for the sake of advancing the Kingdom.

I no longer determine what we do based on our bank account. We have had too many times that the Lord has asked us to spend EVERY CENT (and sometimes on FUN things!!!) we have, only to complete the transaction and find that He has returned every cent and then some.

A PERFECT example of that, would be the day I woke up, with a plan for and a list of groceries to purchase, in order to have a party in our home that evening. (Just our family) Now, as people who have no money that would seem like complete and total folly. But, in peace, we went and spent the money. Every penny we had.

When we came home, we found that we had received four times what we spent, in the form of checks in the mail or Paypal payments to our account, in the length of time we were gone. Would that have happened if we hadn’t been obedient? I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter, but I suspect it would not. The issue isn’t the money – the issue is the obedience.

No longer do I fuss over the things that we need. I simply take them to my Master and say, “Master, we are in need of….” And He provides. Not, He sometimes provides. He provides. Period. It isn’t a matter of “If” or “When” He does. Why? Is it because of our goodness or any good thing about us? PUHLEEZ! You know better than that.

It’s because He desires to glorify Himself and He delights in giving good things to His children. Does that make me want to ask for more and more and more? Sometimes I’m tempted – but thankfully, by His grace, that hasn’t been my MO – instead I’m just more and more and more grateful that He hears my prayers and responds to our needs. (And let me clarify here – a new food processor is a need in my life. He provided the EXACT processor I wanted at the EXACT time I needed it. Yes, it’s been outgrown jeans, but it’s also been Starbucks mochas and a new purse and some cute clothes for Davenna.)

Now, this doesn’t mean that they appear the next day – part of being a steward is knowing that the Master knows best when to provide it. So, it’s a matter of asking, knowing that He will respond, and allowing the Master to determine when it should arrive.

Being a steward under my Master who loves me also means knowing Him well enough to know that I can point to a need of a friend, as well, and ask that He meet that need. It also means I know Him well enough that I can come to Him and say, “Master, we are in need of a new van.” I know that He will answer that request. It will come at the EXACT perfect moment. I have no reason to fuss or try to manipulate or control or anything else the situation. *shrug* I don’t need to fuss – my Master has it under control.

He is never on a budget. He is never trying to keep expenses down. He isn’t freaked by a foreclosure notice, He knows He has the money ready for our use. I used to get jazzed and think, “Oh Lord, what if something goes wrong and we don’t get the money You have intended for us??” You know what? It doesn’t matter. Do you think that my Master – THE MOST HIGH GOD – not A high god, but THE MOST HIGH GOD – is lacking ANY resource? If He has planned one resource and it doesn’t follow through, does it shake Him? Nope.

AND it shouldn’t shake me either. It’s no longer my responsibility. I look to Him for all things. And He is the owner of the entire universe. If one source doesn’t follow through, He will use another. And (something else I’m learning) if He’s intending to use a person for that blessing and they choose to not respond, the blessing He had intended for the first source will go to another. THAT is the saddest part. Not that we might have to wait longer for a blessing, but that the intended giver would miss out on any blessing Father had for them. And there will soon come a day when it will be our turn to be attentive to the voice of our Master, when He will point to money in our hand and say, “THAT money – MY money that you have in your hand there – it belongs to another. Please forward it to them.” And with great joy and delight we will do so!!

This lack of bondage results in our being able to answer, when people ask what we’re doing these days, to say “We are working for the Lord.” As Master, He determines what we do. He orders our steps and the projects that we have in our queue. We do not look to money to determine what will or won’t get done. Our job is to seek the heart of the Lord and THAT determines what we do. It frees us up to serve God’s people who have a project or a vision of what they need to accomplish, but need someone to come alongside them and help. We get to do that! Never again will we decide what work we do based on the paycheck attached to it. WHAT FREEDOM! WHAT JOY! WHAT A PRIVILEGE!

By understanding our position of steward, it has totally revolutionized the way we see money. Never again, by His grace, will we see power attributed to money. It is to have NO power over God’s people – or God’s people’s actions. We are to never again allow what is visible in the realm of finances to determine what we do. It’s always to be a matter of obedience. And get this. What if we get it wrong? There’s grace for that too. (Open defiance is a totally different issue from just getting it wrong.)

This is HUGE – I’m going to stop here and attempt to finish up in yet another blog.

(Susan, does this answer any of your questions yet?) πŸ™‚

13 Responses to “Perfectly Suited”
  1. April says:

    Wow! What a witness.

    I love you, dear one. (Just wanted you to know that as I go back to lurking.)

  2. javadawn says:

    April my dear one, I OH SO wish I could take credit for any of this. I’ve just been the meat slab the mallet of God has been crushing.

    I used to quake in fear when I read Matt 21:42-44. I used to fear being broken to pieces, by falling upon the Rock. Now, I fear MUCH more missing that. Funny how spending time in the crucible of testing works that out in your life, huh? πŸ™‚

    Thank you for the encouragement. It’s been a hard season – sweet, but hard and I take your words deeply to heart!

  3. Margie says:

    I so appreciate your sharing this. Dawn, you are a blessing.

    I pray that some day my husband and I can be as united in our journey of faith as you and Jeff. I love how God has you both on the same page.

    Please keep sharing how the Father is at work in and through you!

  4. Susan (Delaware) says:

    Hi, sorry to be so slow about responding. I was pretty much all in yesterday. Yes, you are making sense, and it helps me so much to have specifics. People say general spiritual things, and I tend to feel like, “What are they TALKING about??” But your post was really helping fill in cracks, which helps someone like me.

    Part of the teaching that has helped me most is to read once (I forget who said it) that the Bible is not culturally bound. So what is “true” for one person from one sort of background is not necessarily the way it applies to someone else from a different background. So that is as true for you and me (who are relatively similar, I am sure), as well as for us and people from across the world in TOTALLY different cultures. All of us can go to the BIBLE and see (from the Holy Spirit’s word to US) how it applies in our OWN situation.

    For us, my husband has ALWAYS made it perfectly clear to me that he WANTED me to speak into his life. Now, if I had taken to heart the teaching I have sometimes seen that I should be silent and supportive, I wouldn’t have been a helper MEET FOR HIM (MY husband). In the guise of “submission,” I would have been not submitting. But in other cases, I am certain that that silent support thing is perfectly what the husband (and wife) needs.

    I love that we can all be different.!

    In Jesus, Susan (DE) (a far from perfect wife in an imperfect marriage) πŸ™‚

  5. javadawn says:

    Margie, Jeff & I pray that for you and your hubby, as well. (Literally) I do not understand why we have received such grace in this area. I’m incredibly grateful though.

    Susan, Isn’t that kind of grace and freedom amazing?!!! What a blessing that your husband wanted that kind of accountability. That is really cool – and that you weren’t afraid to give it. Even if Jeff had wanted it, at first, I would not have been able to offer it, as that isn’t what a Godly woman did. πŸ™„ Isn’t our own theological agenda silly when it’s said outloud? 😦

  6. myderbe says:

    Much to think about. My husband and I have been talking a lot lately about the Church and how money can be such an issue that keeps the Church from God. We know people who just know too much about “good financial stewardship” and not enough about trusting God and living by faith and obedience. I don’t want to be truly foolish, but I do not mind looking foolish to the world.

    Oh, and there is such responsibility knowing that others are sacrificing for every dollar we receive. And we want to make decisions that honor that sacrifice and acknowledge that every bit of it comes from the Lord and His moving His resources around among members of His body. And we also know that people will watch us and some will judge us. And there is the fine line between being above reproach and caring too much what people think. Is it OK to order pizza on a Friday night so we can have Hungry Howie’s and watch The Waltons? But maybe some family is sacrificing pizza night to send their $25 a month to us.

    So much to pray about. And sometimes I do think God wants us to have fun and enjoy pizza or a pair of new shoes never worn by anybody else or cotton candy at the circus.

    It really does mean breathing in and out prayers all day long, asking His guidance for everything, living each moment as a prayer to Him.

  7. javadawn says:

    Jenn, at the risk of being misunderstood, I’m more concerned about the church keeping money from God than I am about money keeping the church from God.

    This is one of those issues where my understanding of money has changed, almost completely.

    I see many people in the Body of Christ who are living in fear or money – either too much or the lack of it. We have developed a poverty mentality, as though being poorer and doing with less makes us more holy. (I say this, because I lived this. I’m still fighting it. I spent a lifetime believing it was more holy to remain poor than to EVER be wealthy.)

    Regarding others sacrificing for every dollar you receive….Jenn, PLEASE hear my heart. The money that you’re talking about is not theirs. It’s God’s. If you are concerned about the sacrifice that they are making, then you have an obligation before the Master to pray multiples of return on their gift.

    All money is a tool in the hand of the Master – and if He decides that He is going to use that tool in your life, then you should receive it with joy – not fear, not concern that you will dork it up. Receive it, bless it, bless the body that the Lord used to get the money to you and use it as He is calling you to.

    Sometimes it will mean pizza and new shoes. Sometimes it will mean macaroni and cheese and bananas from the “bruised and battered” shelf. Sometimes it will mean waiting in faith on groceries until the very last moment. Either way, it’s all God’s money – and it’s all grace. Learning to be content in all situations, whether in much or in little.

    If someone loaned you a screwdriver, certainly you wouldn’t use it doing anything that might destroy it, but on the other hand, you wouldn’t hesitate to use it in the way screwdrivers were intended to be used. Money is a tool. It is no different than a screwdriver. It is a tool in the hand of the Master. If He places that tool in your hand for use – then use it!!!

    Jenn, I say this with much heart ache and a burden for the Bride – but unless she deals with her love and worship of Mammon, this next “famine” that is about to come on the land is going to leave her not only hungry, but without faith.

    Love of Mammon is not just found in those who want more money, it’s also in the hearts of us who struggle with spending even a single penny extra. The expense isn’t the issue – the obedience is. Period.

    In the desert, what three things did the enemy challenge Jesus about? God’s provision, God’s protection, God’s power. Is it any surprise that the enemy is still causing us to question God’s provision?

    You know, I have spent a lifetime expecting that God only wanted to give us the absolute necessities. Why is that? I’m finding – for us, anyway – it’s a wrong understanding of God.

    I’m not talking “blab and grab” mentality, I’m talking SCRIPTURE mentality. If we – earthly parents – know how to give good gifts, how much more our Heavenly Father. Why do we doubt this? Why do we think that means only used shoes (the WORST! πŸ™‚ I hate used shoes, they’ve usually been worn enough to be truly uncomfortable. πŸ˜† I now ask for new shoes, when I go to the Master.) and barely skimping by?!!

    The right response is not one of greed, but one of a child – the Lord allowed me to truly see my kiddles – and how they approach us. Even at the point we had NO money (read: less than $10 if you added up everything, including our penny collection.) they did not hesitate to ask us for what they wanted. They were willing for the answer to be “No” – but they still asked. WHY, when the Lord tells us to respond to Him as a child, WHY OH WHY OH WHY would I respond any differently?

    I couldn’t come up with a good answer, so I decided that must mean that I needed to change. This is one of those truly painful areas in my life that the Lord has changed. AND until we can see that He is going to bless us and take care of us, how can we fully give over every area of our lives, trusting that He wants to minister to us?

    I am learning that Father delights in blessing us – it gives Him pleasure, just as it gives me pleasure to bless my kiddles. As I wait on Him to send that blessing, I learn more about Him and His great love for us. As I learn that, it just gets easier and easier and easier to trust Him for everything.

    Zheesh, ya think ya hit a button with this one or what? πŸ˜†

    Jenn, I keep thinking, when the impending financial crisis comes to our nation – and I believe that it will – what do you think the world is going to notice first? They are going to see people who are just like them that are not afraid of what is going to happen. They are going to see people who are just like them that aren’t eating bologna – for the third day in a row – and they are going to see people just like them that are not freaking about where the next meal is coming from or how they’re going to pay their house payment, or any other financial thing.

    AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS – FOR IT WILL – what a glorious opportunity we’re going to have to witness and tell of His goodness. BUT if we don’t know that goodness, if we haven’t tested that goodness, if we haven’t experienced that goodness, we will have nothing to offer them in the midst of a fearful time.

    I’m not willing to enter that time without an incredible knowledge of who God REALLY is, and not just my own “ideas/impressions and understandings.” Thus far, we are finding that His goodness endures forever – and we don’t expect it to change anytime soon. πŸ˜€

  8. javadawn says:

    LOL I guess I should have checked first – looks like that last comment was another blog. πŸ˜•

  9. myderbe says:

    ha ha ha πŸ™‚ Good. Thanks for taking time to respond.

    You are right. And I’m praying about it. Honestly, some days my head is screwed on straight and I see it all the way I believe God wants me to. Other days, I put this responsibility on myself and feel so pressured to live ultra-frugally OR I’ve gone too far and spent without praying. I have a tendency toward self-indulgence, and I don’t want to go there either. I tend to swing too far to either extreme.

    Probably my biggest struggle, though, is caring too much what others think. And I need to just pray and ask God to help me care only about Him. But I KNOW there are people who will give to us and then watch to see how we’re spending. I KNOW there are people who will vote to give us extra for an extra expense, but then notice if I have on a new blouse when we go home to visit or comment among themselves if they see us taking our large family out for dinner. I’ve heard them do it about other missionary families. They know the family is struggling, so why are they at Wendy’s for lunch? Or I’ve even know church leaders to ask for specific expense lists from a missionary family who had financial struggles before they’d agree to help — I suppose so they could give “free” financial advice and show them how their spending habits are all wrong. I’m all for accountability, but that seems wrong.

    God just doesn’t always do what we think He should. Sometimes He will want His children to go through foreclosure because the work He wants to do in hearts is more important to Him than home ownership. Sometimes He will want His children to spend their only money on dinner out together. Or sometimes He will want His children to give their only money to somebody else, not knowing exactly how He will provide their next meal or electric payment. Sometimes keeping our six months’ emergency fund (ha!) is actually the most foolish thing we can do because God wants us to spend that money and keeping it is disobedience.

    And I understand what you’re saying about the Church keeping money from God, but I think that ultimately that money they didn’t give to God keeps them away from God and keeps the Church from seeing the power of God and the glory of God. How sad!

    I probably rambled on too much. But I’m so glad you blogged about this. We’re praying for guidance about the equity we just put in the bank from selling our house. And we’re constantly praying for guidance about the monthly money He provides.

    Oh, and my husband attended a conference in January for missionaries. The speaker addressed the attitude of “I’m a poor missionary.” And how we sometimes are not effective in doing the work of God because we are so focused on living frugally and pinching every penny and we don’t trust God to provide any extras. The Church has somehow come to expect missionaries to live like this (even though the bulk of the Church in this country certainly does not live like this), and so we expect it of ourselves. So the speaker told of a missionary who wasted days and days of ministry time to drive several states rather than fly because “he was a poor missionary.” So we can “waste” the time God gives us but not the money He gives us? Anyway, this man spoke at length about our attitudes and what we expect — are we spending our time and energy in ministry or in saving money so we can be in ministry? Good food for thought.

  10. javadawn says:


    I am going to speak from the depth of my heart re: this – after MONTHS of being turned inside out and washed clean and stuffed back in. This is going to be another blog response, so I’m going to post a blog on it. πŸ™‚

  11. javadawn says:

    Okay, so it isn’t – I didn’t feel released to do that, so comment I will. πŸ˜€

    Jenn, this is a reflection of what I believe is more influence of the spirit of Mammon. When we are not truly seeing money as belonging to the Lord – when we see it as OUR money – then we have our eyes on how it is spent. I have been there and done that, to my shame.

    I will also tell you, it is now such a pleasure to give to the Lord and know that it is for HIS delight that I am giving, not for the pleasure of men. If He wants to give you money for going out for dinner and then taking a boat trip down the nearest river with a gondola serenading to you and your hubby, I would THRILL to be the one to give you that money. That is the fruit of dealing with that horrid spirit of Mammon.

    I’m telling you, that is one of the most divisive, hidden sins!!! I have been AMAZED at how many places it has reached into my heart. At this stage in the game, I can honestly say that I know if I give money to someone and then keep my eyes peeled to see how they spend it, that will result in a lack of blessing coming to us. I also believe that this is a part of what Scripture means when it says to give with joy.

    I agree with what you are sharing from that man. I believe that the hour is coming where God’s people will be limited by the amount of imagination they have and not the lack of funds to do the work of the Kingdom.

    I also believe that it should be a huge warning to us, when consistently, those who are serving the Lord have to scrimp to get by. We should be pouring out blessing upon them with delight.

    When we started into this, one of the first things that the Lord did was make me stop making my own laundry detergent. I literally felt the unction of the Spirit to stop. So, I went to my prayer closet and said, “What’s the deal?!! I need a chemical free laundry detergent for my family.” I felt clearly the Lord was telling me that that was not how He wanted me to spend my time. And that because I had a mindset focused on money (or the lack thereof) I could not be used of Him to the highest level He desired.

    WHAT?!!!! The mere thought that my Lord had use of me and I was too busy making laundry detergent?!!! THAT made me sick to my stomach. SO, I said, “Okay, Lord, I will do what You have for me, You supply the laundry detergent.” Jenn, I’m telling you this with humility and amazement and incredible thanksgiving – through everything – through all of it: foreclosure, loss of vehicle, no grocery money – all of it, through it all, I never had a lack of GOOD laundry detergent. (And I don’t mean cheap – I mean GOOD) The only time it was even an issue is once when I was whining about and fussing over money and carrying on about how much I needed laundry detergent, instead of doing what He was calling me to do. Hmmmm, that should have caught my attention huh? πŸ™‚

    I will be praying for you, that you would do battle with this fear of man that is chasing you and that in it’s place, there would be a fresh fear of the Lord. I pray, Most High God, that You would impart to Jenn an understanding of what YOU are asking of she and Patrick. I’m asking that You would reveal Your heart to them, regarding where they should be incredibly frugal and where You desire to bless them. Show them Lord where You want their time spent – and Lord Jesus, it’s all for Your glory – we desire to exalt You in the way we live. We desire to please You, for You are our God and there is to be no other! Blessed be Your Name O’ Most High – and worthy of praise are You!

    Amen, my friend, Amen! May you walk in the wisdom of the Lord – for His glory and your good!

  12. myderbe says:

    Don’t you feel God calling you to live a few doors down from me. Then I could just drop by and get a good talking to and praying for from time to time.

    The Lord has been dealing with me A LOT lately about my over-concern about what other people think. He has opened my eyes and revealed to me how this one sin is the root of so many of my actions or concerns or troubles. It just takes up an inordinate amount of my time and thought-space. And now I know that I ought to rest in the Lord and seek to please only Him, and I’m seeing all the corners that need cleaned out in my mind and all the specific thoughts I need to take captive. Boy oh boy, is it so much easier to know it than to do it!

    I always do better if I break one huge task down into manageable parts. So our sweet Father is showing me that I must do this one thought at a time. Just take one thought captive at a time. And He is doing the work for me by shining a bright spotlight on my thoughts.

  13. javadawn says:

    I would LOVE to enjoy a good chat with you my dear. πŸ™‚ However, I don’t know if I love you enough to move to some place warm…..(let me think about it for a day or two, will ya?) πŸ˜‰

    I do SO love our heavenly Father, and the way He gently and lovingly teaches His children. He never makes the lesson brutal enough to break us into oblivion. He does, however, break us enough that those fleshly tendencies drain out. πŸ™‚

    I am rejoicing with you about the freedom that is coming your way, when you can live in such a way that Father’s opinion of you or His plan for your time or His desires for your day are what is important. The ONLY thing that is important.

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