Because I said so, that’s why!

The bane of childhood.  The “because I said so” card.  My Mom played it…a lot.  I promised I would never use it.  Never. Ever.  (I lied, by the way)

Yesterday, a friend offered me a link to a sermon by a pastor that she greatly enjoyed.  I listened to all 20-ish minutes of it.  (A sermon?  That ain’t a sermon!  😉   Twenty minutes is just getting warmed up!!)    😀

Here’s what I heard:  I heard a very entertaining speaker telling me his opinions about his topic. He was on target Biblically…most of the time…but he never told his people WHY he had his opinions.  He never gave them the foundations that they needed to settle their opinions in.

Whether we’re talking about parenting or preaching, we MUST give our listeners a clear reason for the positions that we’re taking.  Otherwise, what we are sharing becomes optional.  Yes, our children should love us and honor us and do what we say.  BUT we should love and honor them enough to direct them to the Word of God when we tell them to do something.  (I’m not talking about every little directive we give our children all day long.  “Because of Acts 20:11 & 12 NLT, you must go clean the bathroom!”)     😛

When our children are faced with decisions in life that require them to stand, having done all else, STAND – what will they stand on, if we have not offered them the line of life – the Word of our Lord?  The world is getting darker and “Because I said so, that’s why!” and foundationless opinions aren’t going to serve them or ourselves ….and it certainly won’t transform our thinking.  So, instead let’s train them with the Word of the Lord – He’s got more clout than we do anyway.  😉   “Because GOD said so, that’s why!”  WILL stand up to the winds of life that desire to blow our children off course!

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Comments
3 Responses to “Because I said so, that’s why!”
  1. tiffany says:

    I agree very heartedly.

    Except for the sermon length. 🙂 I miss the days of a liturgical church where the sermon was on about 20 min (sometimes 30, but very rarely) and there were extensive readings from the Old Testament, Psalms, Proverbs, Gospels, and Epistles every week. I especially think 20 minutes is sufficient time if one is only going to cover 2 or 3 verse. (With some exceptions of course, I heard a wonderful 1.5 hour sermon on Genesis 1:1 and it needed every minute)

    But back to the children aspect of this- I am with you about the explanations, but at what point did you start to do this with your children? I think we may have started it too often with our eldest. She now wants to know “how do you know that” for everything, and it appears to me that a genuine search for knowledge is not always her motive. (I think she wants to make sure I actually know it and that my reasons are solid) so thoughts? We love answering questions (Nolan especially) but are there times when this is too much for little ones?

  2. javadawn says:

    Tiff,

    May I ask a question…can’t you ever ask me an EASY question….like how I prefer to drink my java or something?!! 😉 😉 😉 ❤ ❤ ❤

    Okay…serious answer now… 😛

    We did the same thing as well, and ended up making some adjustments as we went. Yes, there is a place with SOME CHILDREN where that would be inappropriate. SOME CHILDREN would use it as an opportunity to argue your decision, some would use it to require you to "prove" you know what you're doing and I would say that some would ask questions as a habit. (Like a stalling tactic, kwim?)

    The addendum of "SOME CHILDREN" is V.I.T.A.L. here. Tiff, this really gets me on a soap box – one that I don't know that you want me jumping up on – but one of the things that has become a point of frustration to me in so many Christian parenting materials is cookie cutter, rather than individualized.

    Believe me, I assure you, I have no illusions as to how much more difficult that makes parenting. My flesh would love to administer blanket discipline to all children equally, but Father has done such a (HARD) work in my heart concerning my parenting mimicking His parenting of me that I just can't.

    The reality of this life is we are raising PEOPLE fit for Kingdom work, not a hoard of critters. These little people have been gifted and anointed by Father for good works. When we succumb to the temptation to take the "easy way" I am concerned that we are letting little crumbs of their golden amazingness slip through our fingers. When the house is full of Little people and your flesh is ACHING for order and peace it is SO easy to succumb. Which is all the more reason for Sistahs to stick together and encourage one another in this task of motherhood. It's FLIPPING HARD WORK!!!! (Want to know how I really feel about it? LOL)

    There are some children, boys in particular, that need to see that there is a purpose worth "dying for" (generally our instruction DOES require that they die to their own desires) that we are asking of them. BUT that isn't something I would necessarily institute with a young guy without some rules in place.

    The one rule that we employed that helped so much with this, was that of "Obedience First" – if the child has a question concerning the why/how/what of things, they were welcome to ask AFTER they had demonstrated their willingness to obey. In other words, they had to get up, get moving and respond to my request and then they could (honoringly) ask their questions, while or after they were obeying.

    Does that even come remotely close to what you're asking me?!! LOL

  3. tiffany says:

    Yes it does. 🙂 And that is something we have started to do as well. Nolan especially as a child found not being given the answers frustrating and it caused a lot of tension between him and his parents, and our eldest takes (it seems) after him personality wise. I figure that is a very great thing indeed as Nolan and I both pretty much ‘get’ nolan. 🙂 And she seems to be catching on. That it isn’t that we don’t want her to ask questions, in fact we rather like it, but there is an importance placed on the spirit of respect first. Little by little.

    The middle one is a completely different cookie than her sister. 😉 So I totally get and share your frustration at many books/programs cookie cutter approach. Not having siblings this wasn’t something I was very prepared for, and I can see now how God started preparing my heart for this understanding when they were still inside of me. I have been able to see their little personalities in their behavior even before they were born, they have all been so different. And I figure if they were that different (I had one little babe who had the nerve to kick me if I laid wrong until I would move! 🙂 ) before they were born, then how much more so now?

    One thing (and this is a tangent I am afraid) I really struggle with as Mama is not expecting too much of my eldest. She seems so old and grown up compared to her sisters, but I have to remind myself daily (hourly) that she is just 6. She is tiny. And while reasonable (and even high) expectations are good for her, unreasonable ones aren’t.

    Anyway… thanks for the answer! And get on your soap box any time. 🙂

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